1 00:00:34,667 --> 00:00:36,201 Bullshit! 2 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:37,603 No. 3 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,371 Since when? 4 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:42,741 Since 15 years ago. 5 00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:45,077 Bullshit. 6 00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:46,111 No, it's not. 7 00:00:46,113 --> 00:00:48,147 Where's your ring? 8 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,118 Ha! I know a cracker Jack prize 9 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,087 when I see one. Where is he, then? 10 00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,522 He is in la with a client right now. 11 00:00:56,524 --> 00:01:00,626 Okay, well, where's your wedding-type snapshots 12 00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:04,563 and, you know, pretty photos of you and this husband? 13 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,098 We host a lot of parties here, 14 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:09,568 and Grady thinks that personal artifacts are tacky, so that's why... 15 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:10,636 G... Grady? Yes. 16 00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,104 His name is Grady? Come on. 17 00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:14,740 Yes... yes, stensland, his name is Grady. 18 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:19,411 Bullshit! Ha! Nice try. 19 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:22,181 Jesus, I can't believe you, Morgan. 20 00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:23,482 Where... Where are you going? 21 00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:26,185 To expose the lack of man clothing in your closet 22 00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:28,654 and prove that you're bullshitting. 23 00:01:29,622 --> 00:01:31,690 What the fuck! 24 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:34,226 I'm married! 25 00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:37,229 Tell me you don't have kids. Were they watching us? 26 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:40,265 No. I don't... Why would I have my kids watching... 27 00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:41,333 I don't have any kids. 28 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,202 You don't have kids because he's a violent drunk. 29 00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:44,470 No, we just... He'd beat them. 30 00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,705 Each other is all we've ever really wanted or needed, 31 00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,507 so we don't have kids. 32 00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:53,712 "Was." So, you'll be separated soon, right? 33 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:55,547 No. 34 00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:58,750 Then what the fuck is this? 35 00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:01,720 You held my hand in the cab yesterday! 36 00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,323 That isn't the action of a woman just looking for great sex 37 00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:10,229 behind her hubby's back, that's a woman looking for doctor Zhivago! 38 00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:12,197 This... 39 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,602 He cheated on me, okay? 40 00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:17,769 He cheated on you? 41 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:21,807 And I held your hand yesterday because I like you, stensland. 42 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:27,412 Aw. You know, I'm still... I'm still crushable. 43 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:29,548 "Crushable"? 44 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:33,418 You can't even say the word "love," can you? 45 00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:36,188 You know, you can... You can free the penis now. 46 00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,856 I mean, I've seen you naked for the past two days. 47 00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:41,894 You've been seeing me naked under sheets and in limited light. 48 00:02:41,896 --> 00:02:44,363 I've got very wide hips that make my unit 49 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,298 look a lot smaller than it actually is. 50 00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,900 So it's like an optical illusion? 51 00:02:47,902 --> 00:02:50,669 Yes! I've got bitch hips. Leave it be. 52 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:54,206 Okay, listen. This was so much fun. 53 00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:54,940 And so, thank you. 54 00:02:54,942 --> 00:03:02,281 But this is the last time that we will be seeing each other, okay? 55 00:03:02,815 --> 00:03:06,585 Good. I was testing you. 56 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,487 Oh, phew! 57 00:03:08,489 --> 00:03:10,255 What a load off my mind. 58 00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:12,858 Oh, you know, my biggest fear, 59 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,693 since we started hookin' up, baby, 60 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:18,564 was that you would think this was something more than fucking, 61 00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,532 like, god forbid, love. 62 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,201 Love, love, love. Listen, I... 63 00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:26,205 I didn't want to hurt you. I'm really sorry. 64 00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:28,340 You're sorry? 65 00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:31,410 As for these... 66 00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:35,814 Something tells me they're due for a dry cleaning. 67 00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:37,482 Oh... what are you doing? 68 00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:39,418 What is wrong with you? 69 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:40,452 Good day, madam. 70 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:43,956 Oh. Oh, that was real mature. 71 00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:11,817 What? 72 00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:16,455 "Crushable"? 73 00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:19,258 How dare she? 74 00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:20,692 All right, the usual. 75 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:23,695 One pink scone, one strawberry milk. 76 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:24,963 So $4.53. 77 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:28,734 You, uh... you doing all right, stensland? 78 00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:34,406 Could someone let me borrow 53 cents? 79 00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:55,994 Sweet Christ, not now. 80 00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:58,664 Woman, I don't know what you're saying! 81 00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,432 No, not a single decipherable word! 82 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:04,303 It's the same puzzling dance every day! 83 00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,705 Shut up! 84 00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:16,415 You're not the smartest, you're not the coolest, 85 00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:17,582 you're not the best-looking, 86 00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:20,352 but god damn it, you are something. 87 00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:22,921 You've got something that attracts people. 88 00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:26,425 You've got something that attracts the ladies. 89 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,994 They don't know what it is, you don't know what it is, 90 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:34,599 but it's there, cocooned, growing and learning. 91 00:05:34,601 --> 00:05:38,704 And one day, you'll bloom into a big, beautiful condor 92 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:41,840 that people will respect and fear. 93 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:46,812 "I can't believe that used to be stensland," they'll say. 94 00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:51,516 "I can't believe that used to be stensland." 95 00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:16,441 Hello, old friend. 96 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,716 Go ahead. 97 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,118 Oh, great episode. 98 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:29,955 Stensland? Oh, you are here. 99 00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:32,157 Hey. 100 00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,024 Hey. 101 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,092 Nah, I'm... I'm good. 102 00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,828 I thought you said you were going to stop smoking during the day? 103 00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,030 Oh, look, my dead mom's back. Great. 104 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,733 My god, what's the matter with you? 105 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,703 Morgan dumped me, okay? 106 00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:46,104 She's married. 107 00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:48,140 Is that the older lady you met at the furniture store? 108 00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:51,143 Don't make her sound like Jessica tandy. She's in her July. 109 00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:55,113 Whatever, man. At least you got sex without strings. 110 00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:56,548 I want strings. 111 00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:59,451 I want commitment and mutual adoration. 112 00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:01,920 I want to pass the bong to someone with boobs. 113 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,856 I want the danger of forgetting anniversaries 114 00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,425 and the pain of holding in farts 115 00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:07,692 because someone is sharing my bed. 116 00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:11,062 I want a girlfriend, Lyle. I know, I know. 117 00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:12,631 I'm sorry to change the subject, 118 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:15,734 but you noticed the cardboard boxes, right? 119 00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:16,768 Did you drink and ebay? 120 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:20,038 No, I started moving over to Linda's. 121 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,173 Already? 122 00:07:21,175 --> 00:07:23,708 You need to find another roommate, man. 123 00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:25,110 Is this mine? 124 00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,011 I like you. 125 00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:30,549 I like you, too, buddy, just not as much as Linda. I love her. 126 00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:31,917 All right, well, I'm out of here 127 00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:33,952 a week from tomorrow, next Monday. 128 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:37,756 So find another roommate, stens. 129 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,791 God damn it. 130 00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:45,630 ...life imitating art imitating life? 131 00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:50,535 ...and maybe, you know, it's not part of the plan. 132 00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:52,037 Then again, I never thought that 133 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:55,674 losing you was part of the plan, either. 134 00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:56,475 Oh... 135 00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:59,978 I think sometimes you have to lose somebody completely 136 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,849 before you can figure out what they really mean to you. 137 00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:08,220 Oh, d-dog, laying down the truth. 138 00:08:08,222 --> 00:08:10,522 Hi, it's me... 139 00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:11,756 Oh, Jesus! 140 00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:13,091 Morgan, would you please call me back? 141 00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,894 I worry I'm beginning to look desperate. 142 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,597 Phew! It smells bad in here. 143 00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:19,998 What are you doing? 144 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,166 Oh... 145 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,702 I'm, uh, relaxing. 146 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,203 What about work? 147 00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:27,072 Oh, I'm on leave. 148 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:28,540 You're not in the Navy. 149 00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,108 You work six-hour shifts at an antique shop. 150 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:32,043 Why do you need a leave? My breakup! 151 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:34,613 For Christ's sake, man. Was the sex that good? 152 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,982 Good? It was transcendent, Lyle. 153 00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:40,519 My spiritual self is still making an o-face. 154 00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:41,920 But I'm not mourning the sex. 155 00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:43,588 I'm mourning what we might have been. 156 00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:47,025 That tiny taste of affection has made it very evident to me 157 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,727 that something's missing from my life. 158 00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:53,198 Okay. I'm just surprised the store gave you this much time off. 159 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,032 Well... 160 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:59,004 This is more like one of those self-allotted time-out leaves, you know? 161 00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,005 What? Go to work! 162 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:02,674 Stensland! I'm going to be totally moved out tomorrow. 163 00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,042 You said I had till Monday. 164 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,277 Tomorrow is Monday, man. 165 00:09:05,279 --> 00:09:09,214 Tomorrow's Monday? Tomorrow's Monday. Come on. 166 00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:13,852 Shit. This chiba is unforgiving. 167 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:53,692 Ah, Mr. laframboise. 168 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:57,796 I was just mulling a froyo break. You want one? 169 00:09:58,064 --> 00:09:59,164 This is the last check. 170 00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:02,334 You don't showing up one week, no call, no nothing! 171 00:10:02,336 --> 00:10:05,904 Wait a minute, are we doing a scene from the pawnbroker? 172 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:09,874 Mr. laframboise, are you back in acting class? That's great. 173 00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:11,843 Get out! Oh, okay, all right. 174 00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:14,079 You're a passionate bear, you're upset, I get it. 175 00:10:14,081 --> 00:10:17,082 I need to work on my communication skills, that's clear. 176 00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:19,951 But I'm pretty sure i was already due a vacation week, 177 00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,120 so can we just sit back, relax, 178 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,089 I'll put on some Jasmine tea, chill out... 179 00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:25,256 Sir? What? 180 00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,891 I think this varnish may have turned, 181 00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:31,696 and I would hate to compromise the honesty of that victorian end table. 182 00:10:31,698 --> 00:10:34,099 Sorry, am I interrupting? 183 00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:36,635 Who the fuck is this? 184 00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:37,402 New stensland. 185 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:41,106 There's no other stensland. How could you say that? 186 00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,273 Um, my name is Pierce. 187 00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:45,744 Mr. laframboise, your assumption that my absence 188 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:48,179 is barren of a logical explanation offends me. 189 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,749 We're closer than this. No, we're not. 190 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,350 Okay, look, here's what happened. 191 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:55,720 I was sideswiped by a nasty cyclone known as "woman." 192 00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:59,924 Lost aimlessly in her deceit, and it stung like a biatch. 193 00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:04,963 So, please, just give me another chance. 194 00:11:05,297 --> 00:11:07,332 Fuck you! 195 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,979 Morgan! 196 00:11:26,252 --> 00:11:27,085 Morgan! 197 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,820 Hey! Hey, asshole! Come back here! 198 00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:31,456 - Morgan! - You can't go in there. 199 00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:33,391 Morgan! 200 00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:35,326 Stensland. 201 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,196 She remembers my name. Shocker. 202 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,197 I'm calling security. 203 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,433 No, no. No, it's okay. No, it's okay. We're okay. 204 00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:42,434 You know this guy? 205 00:11:42,436 --> 00:11:44,069 Yeah, no, no. I'll handle it. It's okay. 206 00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:47,072 Moneypenny, could you order us up some sandwiches and lemonade? 207 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:48,139 This'll take a while. 208 00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:49,741 - No, it won't. - Yes, it will. 209 00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,443 Thank you, Hannah. Thanks, honey. I got this. 210 00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:54,012 Yeah, no, no, this is, um... stensland. 211 00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:57,949 It's not a thing at all. It's just a, um... 212 00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:00,919 Okay. Thanks, honey. 213 00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:04,255 What do you want? "What do you want?" 214 00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:05,356 We made love a week ago. 215 00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:08,359 I'm no dildo you wipe off and put back in the drawer. 216 00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:10,395 Why haven't you called me back? 217 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,731 Because that was it. 218 00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:14,165 It was a one-time thing. 219 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,834 I don't care if you're married, Morgan. 220 00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:18,837 I still love you. You love me, it's just... What? 221 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,405 What does that even mean? 222 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:23,208 It means let's keep on keepin' on. 223 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:26,377 Let's ride this naughty little secret. 224 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:27,178 No. 225 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:30,782 Why? Isn't he cheating on you, too? 226 00:12:31,150 --> 00:12:32,417 I don't know. 227 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:33,251 Oh... 228 00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,754 Now you don't know! 229 00:12:42,061 --> 00:12:43,995 Is that him? 230 00:12:44,063 --> 00:12:45,764 Yes. 231 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,932 He has a moustache? 232 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,534 Yes. 233 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:55,940 I want $15,000, or I'm gonna tell him. 234 00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,342 Mmm? 235 00:12:59,311 --> 00:13:00,345 I'm sorry. 236 00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:03,882 I'm sorry, you're... You're gonna have to repeat that. 237 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,450 What? 238 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:08,353 I demand you pay me $15,000, 239 00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:13,224 or I'm gonna find Grady and tell him everything. 240 00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:17,896 What the hell are you doing, stens? 241 00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:21,800 "Stens," she says! Using the abridged pet name to disarm me. 242 00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,434 You're scared. Really? 243 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,370 Grady's a criminal defense lawyer. 244 00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:28,406 I doubt he will believe that I slept with you. 245 00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:29,207 Okay? 246 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:30,875 Oh, he'll believe me, all right. 247 00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:34,045 Why? Did you record us or something? 248 00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:37,348 No, but I have evidence of passion. 249 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:38,283 Remember this? 250 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:42,453 "Kiss me between my shoulder blades, stensland." 251 00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:43,454 And remember this? 252 00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:47,859 "Rub my ass like this when you're going down on me, stensland." 253 00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:49,060 And what about this? 254 00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,361 Will this be evidence enough 255 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,997 when I explain to Grady in graphic, carnal detail 256 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:57,435 that shaky little twitch dance you do when you come? 257 00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,437 How does the chirp go? 258 00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:09,848 You don't get it, do you? 259 00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:10,615 What? 260 00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:13,084 I already told him. 261 00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:14,586 Bullshit. 262 00:14:14,588 --> 00:14:16,354 No, I did. 263 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,623 You see, I was... 264 00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:21,426 I was looking for someone to have an affair with, 265 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,127 so I could throw it in his face 266 00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:27,265 to show him that I'm not just gonna sit here and smile 267 00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:28,600 while he tunes out our marriage 268 00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:31,236 and does god knows what he's doing out there. 269 00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,238 Mm-hmm, and, uh, what did he say? 270 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,875 He said a lot of stuff that's none of your business. 271 00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:38,543 But we're gonna work it out. 272 00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:42,180 You're going to work it out? Yeah. 273 00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:45,950 Kid, I hate to crush your spirit here, 274 00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:49,087 but you're forcing me to. 275 00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,155 You're my pawn. 276 00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:56,127 You're like my little revenge marionette. 277 00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:03,101 You haven't told him diddly squat, have you? 278 00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,337 Stensland holds all the cards. 279 00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:07,405 15 grand, sweetheart, 280 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:11,242 or me and Grady are going to sit down and talk Turkey. 281 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,311 Good day, madam. 282 00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:15,346 Oh, look! 283 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:21,286 Uh-oh. The little pitcher has big ears. Yenta, yenta. 284 00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:24,255 Who the fuck is that? 285 00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:31,095 Hey. Are you all right? 286 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,563 Yeah, no, I'm good. Um... 287 00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:36,301 How much of that did you hear? 288 00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:37,535 None of it. 289 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:39,370 Oh, okay. 290 00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:40,638 A little. 291 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:44,042 Okay, I heard everything. 292 00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,243 You slept with that guy? 293 00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:47,278 Oh, Hannah, i was in the store, and I was depressed, 294 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:51,349 and I was thinking about, like, "who the hell is Grady?" 295 00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:54,018 And, "why the hell am I in the store?" 296 00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,153 And then this kid comes up 297 00:15:55,155 --> 00:16:00,058 and starts flirting with me like I'm Princess grace or something. 298 00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,392 Now I have a stalker. 299 00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:04,362 It's like, of course i sleep with the one guy on the planet 300 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:09,701 who's pissed off that his one-night stand isn't just a one-night stand. 301 00:16:09,703 --> 00:16:12,103 Don't sweat it, okay? 302 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:15,206 You already told Grady, so... 303 00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:18,543 No. You haven't told Grady? 304 00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:22,013 Yeah, you're screwed. 305 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:31,689 Balls of wonder, balls of might... 306 00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:37,528 Law offices of dott and rosen. 307 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:38,563 Grady dott, please. 308 00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:41,199 I'm sorry, he's out of the office. Would you like his voicemail? 309 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,668 No, no, no, patch me through to his personal cell. 310 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,036 This is an emergency. 311 00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:46,671 Your name? Stensland. 312 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,740 Please hold. Mmm-hmm. 313 00:16:48,742 --> 00:16:51,642 Mr. stensland, what's this concerning? 314 00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:55,279 Uh, I fucked his wife many times? 315 00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:58,182 Please hold. Uh-huh. 316 00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:01,119 Yeah, no baloney. Come on. 317 00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,754 This is Grady dott. 318 00:17:02,756 --> 00:17:05,156 Mr. dott, my name is stensland. 319 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:08,059 I'm a 29-year-old, unemployed diamond in the rough 320 00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:10,261 with no foreseeable opportunities for financial 321 00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:11,696 or personal success until my death. 322 00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:16,100 It's my sad duty to inform you that I met your wife, Morgan, last week 323 00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:17,535 in soft solutions fine furnishings, 324 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,571 whereupon she took me back to your home and made love to me. 325 00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,640 At no point over the weekend did she inform me 326 00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:24,809 that she was maritally or otherwise spoken for... 327 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:27,278 Stensland? Yeah? 328 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,380 She told me. 329 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,148 Oh. 330 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:34,519 Now I'm going to find you, and I'm going to kill you. 331 00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,540 You need to find yourself a girl your own age. 332 00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:58,576 One who hasn't already been fucked up by some other asshole, 333 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:03,214 so you can fuck her up your own damn self, your own damn way. 334 00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:06,284 Ella, Internet dating has turned you cold. 335 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:09,353 She's right. This Morgan's a mess. 336 00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:10,421 Stay sane, stay away. 337 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:13,491 Spend that love on a woman who wants it. Amen. 338 00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,493 That's right. 339 00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:17,495 Hit me with it straight, Denise. 340 00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:20,631 Coast is clear. No one's outside your apartment, doll. 341 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:23,634 Typical. That chump ain't gonna fight for her. 342 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:26,504 Ladies, let's get shit-faced. 343 00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:55,266 You've fucked your last wife, stensland. 344 00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:56,134 Stensland? 345 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,136 No, no, no. Sir, my name isn't stensland. 346 00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:00,805 My name is Grady. 347 00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:02,507 Wrong. 348 00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:03,508 Oh, god! 349 00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:06,410 Don't! God... 350 00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:13,918 Oh, god... 351 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,787 Hey, guy, the gun was just to fuck with you. 352 00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,289 So you're not gonna kill me? 353 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:21,225 No. My receptionist was listening in when I threatened you, 354 00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:22,727 which means I'd have to kill her as well. 355 00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:26,564 And there's no way I'm breaking in a new receptionist. 356 00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:27,331 No, sir. 357 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:31,836 I am, however, going to kick the ever-loving shit out of you. 358 00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:33,671 No, please... 359 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:38,342 Please don't kick the ever-loving shit out of me. 360 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,477 What are you doing? 361 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,646 I just... I bruise so easily. 362 00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,681 Come on. 363 00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:46,184 Huh... 364 00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:47,919 Just don't... You've urinated in your shorts. 365 00:19:47,921 --> 00:19:52,190 Yes! You pointed a gun at my face, and I already had to go. 366 00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:54,192 Jesus, Morgan! 367 00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,227 This is bullshit. 368 00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:57,595 She really knows how to pick 'em. 369 00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:58,896 She picked you to cheat with? 370 00:19:58,898 --> 00:20:01,566 Yes. Are you still kicking the shit out of me? 371 00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:05,503 Yes, so just sit there and shut up. 372 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,575 Jesus Christ, your apartment looks like 373 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:13,311 the cargo hold of a pirate ship. 374 00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:13,978 Thank you. 375 00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,613 It's not a compliment, dumbass. 376 00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:17,982 This is literally a shit hole. 377 00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:18,849 It stinks. 378 00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:20,818 What is that, beef chow mein from last week? 379 00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,254 And your bong water spilled everywhere? 380 00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:26,257 And now it smells like your cowardly urine. 381 00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:27,291 It smells like man. 382 00:20:27,293 --> 00:20:31,295 Don't call yourself that in front of me. 383 00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:35,733 Huh. 384 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,501 I'll be damned. 385 00:20:37,503 --> 00:20:39,770 I didn't realize they still made those. 386 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:42,840 "Shanty. Irish mulligan stew." 387 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:43,841 Hey, don't rag it. 388 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:47,245 That is a hearty bouillon at an affordable price. 389 00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:48,246 I know what it is. 390 00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:51,382 It's all I ate when I was poor and pathetic like you. 391 00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:54,919 Well, the tradition continues. 392 00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:00,958 What happened in your shorts? 393 00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:03,327 It's a twosie. 394 00:21:05,464 --> 00:21:07,698 Mmm, mmm. 395 00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,601 Mmm, that was good. 396 00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:12,303 Okay, so level with me. 397 00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:14,972 Did Morgan pay you to tell me you had sex? 398 00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:19,844 No. And I didn't know she was married either. 399 00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:20,578 Yeah. 400 00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:24,282 Hey, why did you cheat on her? 401 00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:27,952 I didn't cheat on her. God... 402 00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:31,455 She picked up a scent of perfume on one of my shirts, 403 00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:32,757 so that got her to thinking, 404 00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:35,860 and you know what happens when vexed women start thinking. 405 00:21:35,862 --> 00:21:38,663 Civilizations fall, son. 406 00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:39,764 You can bank on that. 407 00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:41,732 So after a couple of business trips ran long, 408 00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:46,404 the logical conclusion to her irrational female intellect 409 00:21:46,406 --> 00:21:49,707 was that I was in fact cheating. 410 00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:50,641 Typical women. 411 00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:54,312 A brother can't even be late and tired. 412 00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:56,914 That's for sure. 413 00:21:56,916 --> 00:21:58,416 Oh, we give them our hearts, 414 00:21:58,418 --> 00:22:01,986 our penises, and still they do not trust us. 415 00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:06,991 That was a good one. 416 00:22:06,993 --> 00:22:08,993 The old shower vomit. 417 00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:11,095 Yeah, I miss those days. 418 00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:14,899 Yeah, I mean, after 15 years of marriage, 419 00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:15,933 it's not so hot anymore. 420 00:22:15,935 --> 00:22:18,969 Do I get the urge to mess around with other women? 421 00:22:18,971 --> 00:22:19,937 Of course I do. 422 00:22:19,939 --> 00:22:22,940 You can't control what goes through this mastermind. 423 00:22:22,942 --> 00:22:23,641 No. 424 00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:27,078 That'd go against the very nature of man, the very essence of evolution. 425 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:30,114 When I get the desire to bang some strange, 426 00:22:30,116 --> 00:22:33,718 I just go find a quiet place, rub one out. 427 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,486 Hence, desire quenched. 428 00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:37,855 Hey, you don't have to tell me about quenches. 429 00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:41,859 I desire my quench all the fuckin' time. 430 00:22:41,993 --> 00:22:43,694 But you don't hate me? 431 00:22:43,696 --> 00:22:45,830 No, I don't hate you. 432 00:22:45,832 --> 00:22:48,532 Morgan's a beautiful woman. 433 00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:50,835 What are you gonna do? 434 00:22:50,837 --> 00:22:53,104 Ah, don't worry about me. 435 00:22:53,106 --> 00:22:55,606 Just get some rest. 436 00:23:39,751 --> 00:23:41,852 What the... 437 00:23:48,059 --> 00:23:53,197 Ah, there's the ol' lush, sleeping in. 438 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,434 Oh, I hope you don't mind, i took a couple of hits off the bong. 439 00:23:56,436 --> 00:24:00,704 I hadn't gotten high since the stones' "Bridges to Babylon" tour. 440 00:24:00,706 --> 00:24:03,541 Yeah. How do you like your eggs? 441 00:24:03,543 --> 00:24:04,608 Um... 442 00:24:04,610 --> 00:24:05,709 Scrambled? 443 00:24:05,711 --> 00:24:06,677 Scrambled it is. 444 00:24:06,679 --> 00:24:08,579 Four out of five American men prefer scrambled. 445 00:24:08,581 --> 00:24:12,750 Over there in Europe, they're all about the poach. 446 00:24:12,752 --> 00:24:15,820 Those guys are such pussies. 447 00:24:15,921 --> 00:24:17,188 Bacon? 448 00:24:17,190 --> 00:24:18,889 Uh, sure. 449 00:24:18,891 --> 00:24:20,758 I had bacon? And eggs? 450 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,828 No. I went out and picked up a few things. 451 00:24:23,830 --> 00:24:26,030 Yeah, including some luggage. 452 00:24:26,032 --> 00:24:28,899 No, that was in the car. 453 00:24:29,634 --> 00:24:32,036 So, you left her. 454 00:24:32,038 --> 00:24:35,673 Temporarily. She'll feel more guilt that way. 455 00:24:35,675 --> 00:24:38,008 Ooh! Ah... 456 00:24:38,010 --> 00:24:41,078 There she is. "Decline." 457 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,682 Oh, you know what? I saw this article on the refrigerator. 458 00:24:44,684 --> 00:24:49,119 Piqued my curiosity. "Men's life crisis at age 25." 459 00:24:49,121 --> 00:24:51,088 Yeah, that's what's wrong with me. 460 00:24:51,090 --> 00:24:54,191 There is now a life crisis before the mid-life crisis 461 00:24:54,193 --> 00:24:58,496 that experts are calling the "early-life crisis." 462 00:24:58,498 --> 00:24:59,530 Oh, that's clever. 463 00:24:59,532 --> 00:25:01,732 Yeah. I've been stuck in one of those. 464 00:25:01,734 --> 00:25:02,867 Yeah? For how long? 465 00:25:02,869 --> 00:25:04,568 Just over eight years. 466 00:25:04,570 --> 00:25:05,569 Close to a decade. 467 00:25:05,571 --> 00:25:08,138 I'm suffering from over-ambitious aspirations for myself, 468 00:25:08,140 --> 00:25:11,175 so I worry about getting a better job, 469 00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:12,710 I desire a nicer place to live, 470 00:25:12,712 --> 00:25:15,179 and swankier clothes to wear, and hotter girls. 471 00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:19,917 And I want to attain all of this while I'm eradicating my debt. 472 00:25:19,919 --> 00:25:21,085 It's ridiculous. 473 00:25:21,087 --> 00:25:23,654 "Should adopt more realistic ambitions 474 00:25:23,656 --> 00:25:25,823 "to feel happier and less stress." 475 00:25:25,825 --> 00:25:27,258 That's easy for them to say. 476 00:25:27,260 --> 00:25:30,961 They have an awesome job at a magazine. 477 00:25:31,663 --> 00:25:33,230 Dickheads. 478 00:25:38,604 --> 00:25:41,005 I'm moving in here for a while. 479 00:25:41,606 --> 00:25:42,606 What? Yeah. 480 00:25:42,608 --> 00:25:46,577 Morgan's faithlessness has emboldened me 481 00:25:46,579 --> 00:25:48,879 to take a vacation from her, 482 00:25:48,881 --> 00:25:52,249 from our marriage, from my career. 483 00:25:52,251 --> 00:25:53,784 Yeah. I want to spend it here. 484 00:25:53,786 --> 00:25:57,221 You said it looked like a pirate ship and smelled of beef noodles. 485 00:25:57,223 --> 00:26:02,159 And you said it smelled of man, and you were right. 486 00:26:02,294 --> 00:26:03,561 I... I was? 487 00:26:03,563 --> 00:26:05,863 Yes. What the fuck am I going to do? 488 00:26:05,865 --> 00:26:07,665 I'm going to lay around a swanky hotel 489 00:26:07,667 --> 00:26:12,303 swimming pool in a fluffy robe with a slice of cucumber in my water? 490 00:26:12,305 --> 00:26:15,072 Order caviar-topped potatoes? 491 00:26:15,074 --> 00:26:16,006 Get massages? 492 00:26:16,008 --> 00:26:18,742 I started making a little bit of money as a lawyer 493 00:26:18,744 --> 00:26:21,912 and turned into George Hamilton. 494 00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:23,047 I don't know who that is. 495 00:26:23,049 --> 00:26:26,750 Morgan is largely responsible for me becoming fancy. 496 00:26:26,752 --> 00:26:30,955 The flat screen had to be moved out of the bathroom. 497 00:26:30,957 --> 00:26:34,191 Can't eat any food anywhere near the Italian bed linens. 498 00:26:34,193 --> 00:26:38,796 She's even got me wearing pink Polo shirts on the weekend. 499 00:26:38,798 --> 00:26:39,930 Pink is sometimes nice. 500 00:26:39,932 --> 00:26:41,332 Yeah, it's nice on birthday cakes. 501 00:26:41,334 --> 00:26:46,103 But it doesn't belong on a rough-riding son of a bitch like me. 502 00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:46,937 Or you! 503 00:26:46,939 --> 00:26:51,809 This whole man-shed experience has brought me back to a blissful time 504 00:26:51,811 --> 00:26:53,377 when I was emotionally unformed 505 00:26:53,379 --> 00:26:57,681 and completely devoid of a woman's redecorating tips. 506 00:26:57,683 --> 00:27:01,018 All I did in those days was follow my pecker around. 507 00:27:01,020 --> 00:27:04,822 I didn't give a fuck about anybody or anything. 508 00:27:04,824 --> 00:27:07,324 Here. What I need is here. 509 00:27:07,326 --> 00:27:09,026 I can do anything. 510 00:27:09,028 --> 00:27:12,262 I can freeball on this ugly couch. 511 00:27:12,264 --> 00:27:13,230 Don't say that. 512 00:27:13,232 --> 00:27:16,166 I can eat chili fries in that filthy shower. 513 00:27:16,168 --> 00:27:21,405 I can binge-drink without judgment anytime I want. 514 00:27:21,407 --> 00:27:25,409 I appreciate you making my man-shed sound poetic, 515 00:27:25,411 --> 00:27:29,046 but why don't you just get your own private flop? 516 00:27:29,048 --> 00:27:31,348 Why do you need to share with me? 517 00:27:31,350 --> 00:27:32,783 That's the genius part. 518 00:27:32,785 --> 00:27:39,857 This is the ice cream on top of the pie, on top of the candy bar. 519 00:27:40,258 --> 00:27:42,393 You don't see it, do you? 520 00:27:42,994 --> 00:27:43,827 I don't. 521 00:27:43,829 --> 00:27:46,864 Morgan's fucked us both over, correct? 522 00:27:47,432 --> 00:27:48,365 Very correct. 523 00:27:48,367 --> 00:27:52,069 Do you know how batshit crazy she is gonna go 524 00:27:52,071 --> 00:27:56,006 when she finds out that we're living together? 525 00:27:56,708 --> 00:27:57,274 Ooh. 526 00:27:57,276 --> 00:27:58,976 I'm going to pay the rent. 527 00:27:58,978 --> 00:28:00,277 I'm gonna pay for utilities, 528 00:28:00,279 --> 00:28:04,114 groceries, weed, booze, whatever. 529 00:28:04,182 --> 00:28:06,917 I'm going to pay for everything. 530 00:28:08,688 --> 00:28:11,422 Rent's due on the first. 531 00:28:13,925 --> 00:28:18,128 And the first variation is to lean to one skate. 532 00:28:18,130 --> 00:28:20,264 This is a really good stretch for your side. 533 00:28:20,266 --> 00:28:24,268 Okay, go ahead and come up, square your shoulders. 534 00:28:24,270 --> 00:28:27,304 Try to reach for your other skate. 535 00:28:28,340 --> 00:28:30,174 Shit, that's a cop knock. 536 00:28:30,176 --> 00:28:32,943 No, that's a muumuu knock. 537 00:28:33,946 --> 00:28:36,246 Wait, this could be the weed talking, 538 00:28:36,248 --> 00:28:37,448 but there's a cow at the door? 539 00:28:37,450 --> 00:28:42,219 No, it's our indecipherable landlord who only wears guess what? 540 00:28:42,221 --> 00:28:45,856 Sorry about the noise last night. 541 00:28:46,491 --> 00:28:47,391 She sounds sexy. 542 00:28:47,393 --> 00:28:50,060 Yeah, she's got charm for days. 543 00:28:50,062 --> 00:28:51,495 Lyle, my old roommate, 544 00:28:51,497 --> 00:28:55,399 he thinks she runs guns out of the laundry room. 545 00:28:57,402 --> 00:29:00,370 What are your plans for the rest of the day? Hmm... 546 00:29:00,372 --> 00:29:04,842 These leg lunges supersede any plans I had for the rest of my life. 547 00:29:04,844 --> 00:29:07,244 Lean into it. 548 00:29:07,246 --> 00:29:08,412 Don't forget to breathe. 549 00:29:08,414 --> 00:29:12,382 You know where I've always wanted to have lunch? 550 00:29:15,220 --> 00:29:17,187 How's it going with that hangover? 551 00:29:17,189 --> 00:29:18,489 I think it's getting worse. 552 00:29:18,491 --> 00:29:22,359 Well, damn it, boy, hit it with another engineer beer. 553 00:29:22,361 --> 00:29:25,262 Or some of that choo-choo chicken. 554 00:29:25,330 --> 00:29:26,396 Look at this. 555 00:29:26,398 --> 00:29:28,198 We had breakfast, like, an hour ago. 556 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:31,301 Slow down. You're going to give yourself a heart attack. 557 00:29:31,303 --> 00:29:32,903 Get used to my gluttony. 558 00:29:32,905 --> 00:29:36,073 I tend to eat a lot on vacation. 559 00:29:36,075 --> 00:29:39,042 Did... that... did... What the fuck? 560 00:29:39,044 --> 00:29:43,347 That guy just took the last of the piggyback potatoes! 561 00:29:43,349 --> 00:29:45,082 Shh. 562 00:29:45,183 --> 00:29:46,517 Shit. 563 00:29:46,519 --> 00:29:48,252 That's why I'm here. 564 00:29:48,254 --> 00:29:52,189 Oh, I am gonna have an excellent bowel movement tomorrow. 565 00:29:52,191 --> 00:29:53,524 Guaranteed. 566 00:29:53,526 --> 00:29:55,459 So, what are your new aspirations 567 00:29:55,461 --> 00:29:59,396 now that the antiquities industry has shit-canned you? 568 00:29:59,398 --> 00:30:02,366 Okay, um... 569 00:30:02,368 --> 00:30:05,035 To own my own company that makes me a lot of money. 570 00:30:05,037 --> 00:30:06,970 What that company does, I'm not really sure yet. 571 00:30:06,972 --> 00:30:10,040 I'd like a vintage Cadillac with original leather interior. 572 00:30:10,042 --> 00:30:13,210 House on the water. Winter home in the Virgin Islands. 573 00:30:13,212 --> 00:30:16,046 I'd like a wife, hot, preferably Asian... 574 00:30:16,048 --> 00:30:17,848 I'm gonna stop you there. Yeah? 575 00:30:17,850 --> 00:30:20,851 I'm gonna recommend that you adopt more realistic ambitions 576 00:30:20,853 --> 00:30:25,455 because it sounds like you're a bit of an unrealistic dreamer. 577 00:30:25,457 --> 00:30:26,290 Guilty. 578 00:30:26,292 --> 00:30:27,524 I'm pisces, so I view the world 579 00:30:27,526 --> 00:30:29,259 through rose-tinted spectacles. 580 00:30:29,261 --> 00:30:32,596 Oh, that stung all the way to my brain stem. 581 00:30:32,598 --> 00:30:33,964 You gotta be kidding me. 582 00:30:33,966 --> 00:30:35,299 If you want to pick up a girl, 583 00:30:35,301 --> 00:30:37,835 you gotta infuse your vocab with a little bit more testosterone. 584 00:30:37,837 --> 00:30:41,171 Words like "tits" and "big tits." 585 00:30:41,173 --> 00:30:43,941 Listen, Cadillacs and beach houses, 586 00:30:43,943 --> 00:30:48,612 those are the dreams of stupid, naive people. 587 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,014 That's not you, right? 588 00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:54,451 Grady? 589 00:30:54,453 --> 00:30:55,619 Yeah. 590 00:30:55,621 --> 00:30:59,022 They put out more piggyback potatoes. 591 00:30:59,024 --> 00:31:00,557 What? 592 00:31:00,559 --> 00:31:01,291 When? 593 00:31:01,293 --> 00:31:03,560 I find it a little strange, actually, 594 00:31:03,562 --> 00:31:06,496 that you blame "extreme muff deficiency" 595 00:31:06,498 --> 00:31:07,998 as the root of my problems, 596 00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:12,569 when the last muff I was in belonged to your wife. 597 00:31:13,071 --> 00:31:14,571 Thank you. Thanks. 598 00:31:14,573 --> 00:31:16,139 Let me ask you a question. 599 00:31:16,141 --> 00:31:19,509 If a fat guy diets, exercises, 600 00:31:19,511 --> 00:31:21,912 takes vitamins two weeks out of the year, 601 00:31:21,914 --> 00:31:26,516 does that necessarily make him a healthy person? 602 00:31:26,518 --> 00:31:27,517 I get your point. 603 00:31:27,519 --> 00:31:29,586 So how come you're not out there closing some ass? 604 00:31:29,588 --> 00:31:34,324 How? Where? I hate going out. I hate going to bars. 605 00:31:34,326 --> 00:31:36,126 The music's always so loud. 606 00:31:36,128 --> 00:31:37,461 I can barely hear myself speak, 607 00:31:37,463 --> 00:31:39,496 let alone the lady I'm trying to connect with. 608 00:31:39,498 --> 00:31:41,198 So it becomes this choreographed routine 609 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:45,335 of two people just leaning into each other all night, saying, "what? 610 00:31:45,337 --> 00:31:47,304 "What? What? What?" 611 00:31:47,306 --> 00:31:48,605 Well, that's your problem. 612 00:31:48,607 --> 00:31:50,574 Bars are not made for talking. 613 00:31:50,576 --> 00:31:52,376 That's why the music is so loud. 614 00:31:52,378 --> 00:31:54,611 You only need to be concerned about two questions, 615 00:31:54,613 --> 00:31:59,049 "what are you drinking?" And, "where are we humping?" 616 00:32:00,085 --> 00:32:02,486 Could you see that on a t-shirt? I just made that up. 617 00:32:02,488 --> 00:32:06,924 Unfortunately, yes, i can see that on a t-shirt. 618 00:32:07,593 --> 00:32:09,192 Are you okay to drive? 619 00:32:09,194 --> 00:32:11,395 No. Definitely not. Get in. 620 00:32:12,264 --> 00:32:16,300 What if you woke up and you were 15 again? 621 00:32:16,302 --> 00:32:21,505 The funny thing is, I don't feel that way anymore. 622 00:32:21,507 --> 00:32:26,176 Oh... that was a delightful bubble bath. 623 00:32:26,178 --> 00:32:27,311 Whose Mr. bubble is this? 624 00:32:27,313 --> 00:32:29,479 Who else lives here apart from you? 625 00:32:29,481 --> 00:32:31,682 I thought it might've been your old roommate's. 626 00:32:31,684 --> 00:32:35,085 No, when people move out, they bring their Mr. bubble. 627 00:32:35,087 --> 00:32:36,353 That's how it works. 628 00:32:36,355 --> 00:32:39,156 Oh, well, you're out of Mr. bubble. 629 00:32:39,158 --> 00:32:39,990 What? 630 00:32:39,992 --> 00:32:41,591 Jesus Christ, that was a new bottle. 631 00:32:41,593 --> 00:32:44,594 You're only supposed to use a capful. A capful! 632 00:32:44,596 --> 00:32:49,533 It really smelled good, so I just kept pouring it in. 633 00:32:50,101 --> 00:32:51,735 What are you watching? 634 00:32:51,737 --> 00:32:55,005 Ah. It's Dawson's creek. 635 00:32:56,107 --> 00:32:57,174 Is this vhs? 636 00:32:57,176 --> 00:33:01,378 Yup. I have every episode recorded on their original air date. 637 00:33:01,380 --> 00:33:03,680 I got them on ebay from this woman in Delaware. 638 00:33:03,682 --> 00:33:09,052 She sent them in this awesome casket she made, too. Look. 639 00:33:09,153 --> 00:33:11,021 Seriously, what is this show about? 640 00:33:11,023 --> 00:33:12,756 It's about an ambitious young man 641 00:33:12,758 --> 00:33:14,224 named Dawson leery and his friends 642 00:33:14,226 --> 00:33:18,161 as they learn all about love and life in capeside, Massachusetts. 643 00:33:18,163 --> 00:33:22,165 Romantic entanglements and growing pains are aplenty. 644 00:33:22,167 --> 00:33:25,035 You are going to love it. 645 00:33:26,671 --> 00:33:31,208 That sounds like the worst fucking TV show I've ever heard of. 646 00:33:31,210 --> 00:33:32,309 No. Yeah. 647 00:33:32,311 --> 00:33:33,343 We're not watching this. 648 00:33:33,345 --> 00:33:37,481 Come on, find a sporting event or something with car crashes. 649 00:33:37,483 --> 00:33:39,182 Do you bite off Morgan's head like this 650 00:33:39,184 --> 00:33:41,218 every time she wants to watch her favorite programming? 651 00:33:41,220 --> 00:33:44,321 We don't watch television together. 652 00:33:44,323 --> 00:33:46,590 Never? No. 653 00:33:46,592 --> 00:33:48,592 I always thought the best part of marriage 654 00:33:48,594 --> 00:33:50,160 would be settling in every night 655 00:33:50,162 --> 00:33:52,062 to watch television with your life partner. 656 00:33:52,064 --> 00:33:55,198 You know, making fun of the weatherman's hair, 657 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:59,336 shouting out answers during family feud. 658 00:33:59,470 --> 00:34:00,537 Not even top chef? 659 00:34:00,539 --> 00:34:04,741 No, not even top chef, whatever the fuck that is. 660 00:34:04,743 --> 00:34:08,478 We have jobs, and we work most nights. 661 00:34:08,746 --> 00:34:09,646 That's sad. 662 00:34:09,648 --> 00:34:12,215 What would you know about it, stensland? 663 00:34:13,184 --> 00:34:16,653 Get me the doritos and a tumbler of scotch. 664 00:34:16,655 --> 00:34:19,556 Come on, come on, come on. 665 00:34:19,558 --> 00:34:21,291 We don't have tumblers. 666 00:34:21,293 --> 00:34:22,659 I'll put it in a jelly jar. 667 00:34:22,661 --> 00:34:24,227 You don't have jelly jars either. 668 00:34:24,229 --> 00:34:26,163 I threw them all out this morning. 669 00:34:26,165 --> 00:34:28,465 God damn it. 670 00:34:29,368 --> 00:34:32,636 Hey, that's a muumuu knock. You want me to grab that, roomie? 671 00:34:32,638 --> 00:34:33,837 No, I'll get it. 672 00:34:33,839 --> 00:34:37,240 Sorry, we'll keep the fucking noise... 673 00:34:37,242 --> 00:34:39,342 Good, you're alive. 674 00:34:39,344 --> 00:34:40,243 What are you... 675 00:34:40,245 --> 00:34:43,146 Grady said he was coming over here to kill you last night, so... 676 00:34:43,148 --> 00:34:44,281 You were worried about me. 677 00:34:44,283 --> 00:34:48,385 No, I was worried about instigating a murder. 678 00:34:48,387 --> 00:34:49,286 Good night. 679 00:34:49,288 --> 00:34:54,658 Hey, stens! I'm very high, and I cannot feel my feet. 680 00:34:57,728 --> 00:35:00,464 Grady! Oh, shit! 681 00:35:00,565 --> 00:35:02,432 Whoa, what are you doing here, man? 682 00:35:02,434 --> 00:35:06,636 Um, you said you were going to come here and kill him last night. 683 00:35:06,638 --> 00:35:08,171 She was worried about me. 684 00:35:08,173 --> 00:35:11,541 I was not worried about you, okay? 685 00:35:11,642 --> 00:35:12,742 What are you doing here? 686 00:35:12,744 --> 00:35:15,145 I thought you checked into the sorrento last night. 687 00:35:15,147 --> 00:35:19,149 Nope. Nope, i live here now, woman. 688 00:35:19,217 --> 00:35:20,750 What? 689 00:35:21,619 --> 00:35:25,489 That's a joke, right? 690 00:35:25,491 --> 00:35:26,189 No. 691 00:35:26,191 --> 00:35:28,692 Stensland and i have bonded over the mutual hatred of you. 692 00:35:28,694 --> 00:35:30,594 Oh, well, "hatred" is a strong word. 693 00:35:30,596 --> 00:35:32,629 See, unlike you and your sisterhood 694 00:35:32,631 --> 00:35:34,197 of catty, hair-pulling harpies, 695 00:35:34,199 --> 00:35:37,634 men can move past their mistakes and form a fellowship. 696 00:35:37,636 --> 00:35:40,137 A creed, if you will. That's why we run the world. 697 00:35:40,139 --> 00:35:44,508 Oh, and what an honorable job you frat dickheads are doing, thank you. 698 00:35:44,510 --> 00:35:45,909 Morgan, i don't hate you, per se. 699 00:35:45,911 --> 00:35:48,512 I'm just very upset... Wait a second. Wait a second. 700 00:35:48,514 --> 00:35:51,414 You said she lied to you and broke your heart, 701 00:35:51,416 --> 00:35:52,716 and you're going to stand over there 702 00:35:52,718 --> 00:35:54,518 and kiss her ass like you owe her something. 703 00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:57,387 Shut up. Grow some balls, stensland. 704 00:35:57,389 --> 00:35:58,355 Stop it, Grady! 705 00:35:58,357 --> 00:35:59,523 Fucking do it! Fine! 706 00:35:59,525 --> 00:36:02,292 Morgan, I'm really fucking pissed at you! 707 00:36:02,294 --> 00:36:05,395 You're very pretty, but you're a liar! 708 00:36:05,397 --> 00:36:06,563 Get a load of this, sister. 709 00:36:06,565 --> 00:36:09,499 Me and this fella right here, we're taking a long Morgan vacation, 710 00:36:09,501 --> 00:36:11,501 and if you don't like that, then you can just head out 711 00:36:11,503 --> 00:36:14,471 and find yourself another boy toy! 712 00:36:14,473 --> 00:36:17,340 Yeah. High-five that shit. 713 00:36:17,575 --> 00:36:20,644 Oh, this is so twisted, even for you. 714 00:36:20,646 --> 00:36:22,279 Is it? Okay, you know what? 715 00:36:22,281 --> 00:36:24,681 Just so you know, it's not lost on me 716 00:36:24,683 --> 00:36:27,184 how insulting this must be for you 717 00:36:27,186 --> 00:36:29,853 that I cheated on you with this child over here. 718 00:36:29,855 --> 00:36:31,955 Don't mind me, Morgan, I'm just standing right here. 719 00:36:31,957 --> 00:36:33,623 Will you just shut up? All right. 720 00:36:33,625 --> 00:36:35,525 Please? Just shut... Sorry. Yeah. 721 00:36:35,527 --> 00:36:37,961 I'll stop talking right now. You talk too much. 722 00:36:37,963 --> 00:36:40,297 Okay. Stop. 723 00:36:40,565 --> 00:36:43,567 What was my next move supposed to be, Grady? 724 00:36:43,569 --> 00:36:44,901 I told you that we were losing touch, 725 00:36:44,903 --> 00:36:47,737 that I needed more from you, and you ignored me. 726 00:36:47,739 --> 00:36:50,907 You blew off therapy, you drifted further away from me. 727 00:36:50,909 --> 00:36:54,544 I mean, what is someone supposed to do when they're wandering around 728 00:36:54,546 --> 00:36:58,782 in the emotional equivalent of the atacama desert, huh? 729 00:36:58,784 --> 00:37:04,588 Or starving for affection like some Brazilian street orphan? 730 00:37:07,525 --> 00:37:09,926 Is this BBC world news? 731 00:37:10,729 --> 00:37:13,830 Oh, Jesus, fuck you. Just fuck you. 732 00:37:14,498 --> 00:37:16,633 This is our marriage, Grady. 733 00:37:16,635 --> 00:37:19,236 We need to sit down, and we need to talk, okay? 734 00:37:19,238 --> 00:37:20,503 But I am not doing it here. 735 00:37:20,505 --> 00:37:24,407 So please go get your stuff, and let's go. 736 00:37:25,309 --> 00:37:26,743 No. 737 00:37:29,347 --> 00:37:29,946 Sorry. 738 00:37:29,948 --> 00:37:31,581 I'm going to stay here with stensland 739 00:37:31,583 --> 00:37:33,650 and watch an episode of Darren's stream. 740 00:37:33,652 --> 00:37:36,453 That'd be Dawson's creek. 741 00:37:41,525 --> 00:37:43,493 You do that. 742 00:37:49,033 --> 00:37:52,736 Jesus. What's with her cheap shots? 743 00:37:52,738 --> 00:37:53,670 Aw, forget it. 744 00:37:53,672 --> 00:37:56,673 You told her off like a man. Didn't that feel good? 745 00:37:56,675 --> 00:37:58,341 No, it exhausted me. 746 00:37:58,343 --> 00:37:59,909 I'm going to go to bed for a few days. 747 00:37:59,911 --> 00:38:01,845 What are you talking about? It's not even 10:00. 748 00:38:01,847 --> 00:38:04,347 I mean, the pubs are crawling with young bug. 749 00:38:04,349 --> 00:38:06,416 We've got to get out there, we've got to get some. 750 00:38:06,418 --> 00:38:09,653 I've got to cash in a "bang some strange" card. 751 00:38:09,655 --> 00:38:10,687 No. Yes. 752 00:38:10,689 --> 00:38:12,722 No. Oh, yes. Come on. 753 00:38:12,724 --> 00:38:13,823 Stensland says no! 754 00:38:13,825 --> 00:38:15,825 Two double black labels on the rocks, please. 755 00:38:15,827 --> 00:38:18,495 You got it. Thank you. 756 00:38:18,497 --> 00:38:19,763 First prospect on the board. 757 00:38:19,765 --> 00:38:23,600 Bartenders flirt for tips, they can't be prospects. 758 00:38:23,602 --> 00:38:24,501 Oh, come on. 759 00:38:24,503 --> 00:38:28,471 Dogs beg for milk-bones, but they still wanna hump your leg. 760 00:38:28,473 --> 00:38:30,373 Now then, in scouting for a prospect, 761 00:38:30,375 --> 00:38:31,908 you've got to take in the whole field. 762 00:38:31,910 --> 00:38:34,344 You know what a baseball scout is, right? 763 00:38:34,346 --> 00:38:35,378 I'm Irish, not amish. 764 00:38:35,380 --> 00:38:38,682 Good. That's good. I knew you'd be good at this. 765 00:38:38,684 --> 00:38:39,949 There you go, boys. Thank you. 766 00:38:39,951 --> 00:38:43,687 Keep that tab wide open. Giddyup. 767 00:38:44,455 --> 00:38:46,323 See? 768 00:38:47,926 --> 00:38:49,326 Tonight we're muff scouts. 769 00:38:49,328 --> 00:38:51,394 I know, it lacks wit, but it's real. 770 00:38:51,396 --> 00:38:54,464 So, when we're scouting quail, what are we looking for? 771 00:38:54,466 --> 00:38:55,532 Body, face, what else? 772 00:38:55,534 --> 00:38:57,834 Intelligence, sense of self, fashion. 773 00:38:57,836 --> 00:38:59,636 No! That's the pink part of your brain 774 00:38:59,638 --> 00:39:01,705 that allows you to enjoy Dawson's creek. 775 00:39:01,707 --> 00:39:03,773 The end game is to get 'em nude, 776 00:39:03,775 --> 00:39:07,043 sans fashion, so it's never a factor. 777 00:39:07,045 --> 00:39:10,347 But what is a factor is personality. 778 00:39:10,349 --> 00:39:13,049 And it's as easy to spot as a panty line. 779 00:39:13,051 --> 00:39:15,952 Are they laughing? Are they smiling? 780 00:39:15,954 --> 00:39:17,721 Are they giving off any indication 781 00:39:17,723 --> 00:39:19,089 that they're having a good time, 782 00:39:19,091 --> 00:39:23,126 or that they're eager to have a good time with you? 783 00:39:23,128 --> 00:39:26,996 Many of them are going to be wearing this precious little smile 784 00:39:26,998 --> 00:39:33,837 that says, "hey, please, please come talk to me." 785 00:39:33,839 --> 00:39:36,539 I know that little smile. 786 00:39:36,541 --> 00:39:39,476 Of course you do, you fuckin' animal. 787 00:39:39,478 --> 00:39:41,444 That's why they're drinking here 788 00:39:41,446 --> 00:39:46,149 and not at home alone with their kitty cats. 789 00:39:46,151 --> 00:39:49,152 Now then, survey the showroom, 790 00:39:49,154 --> 00:39:54,391 pick out a model, take her for a sex drive. 791 00:39:54,393 --> 00:39:56,126 And for the sake of Christ, 792 00:39:56,128 --> 00:39:59,396 keep drinking the rocket sauce. 793 00:40:31,863 --> 00:40:33,997 Hey! Hey. 794 00:40:33,999 --> 00:40:35,999 What kind of drink is that? 795 00:40:36,001 --> 00:40:38,601 It's a Harlem mugger. 796 00:40:39,069 --> 00:40:40,003 What? 797 00:40:40,005 --> 00:40:41,571 A Harlem mugger! 798 00:40:41,573 --> 00:40:44,207 Oh! What's in it? Racism? 799 00:40:44,209 --> 00:40:49,746 No, no, it's got vodka, gin, white rum, Tequila, champagne, 800 00:40:49,748 --> 00:40:51,648 and a little cranberry juice. 801 00:40:51,650 --> 00:40:52,816 Always gets me shitfaced. 802 00:40:52,818 --> 00:40:54,784 Oh, my god. 803 00:40:54,786 --> 00:40:56,753 What's a lovely girl like you doing 804 00:40:56,755 --> 00:40:58,721 with a horrible drink like that? 805 00:40:58,723 --> 00:41:00,657 Are you a bootlegger? 806 00:41:00,659 --> 00:41:01,491 No, no. 807 00:41:01,493 --> 00:41:04,761 I ordered it because it smells just like this anti-fungal shampoo 808 00:41:04,763 --> 00:41:07,030 I used to wash my pony with. 809 00:41:07,032 --> 00:41:08,231 Oh, is that right? 810 00:41:08,233 --> 00:41:09,232 Yeah, gingerbelle. 811 00:41:09,234 --> 00:41:12,802 I couldn't decide between the names gingerbread and clarabelle, 812 00:41:12,804 --> 00:41:14,170 so I combined them. Gingerbelle! 813 00:41:14,172 --> 00:41:16,539 That's interesting. I loved her so much. 814 00:41:16,541 --> 00:41:20,543 Aw, gingerbelle had this fungal skin infection called "rain rot" 815 00:41:20,545 --> 00:41:23,880 and on warm nights, i used to snuggle up with her in the barn, 816 00:41:23,882 --> 00:41:27,984 and then the bacteria from her infection spread onto me. 817 00:41:27,986 --> 00:41:29,018 I still can't grow hair 818 00:41:29,020 --> 00:41:31,054 in my left armpit or half my pubic region, but... 819 00:41:31,056 --> 00:41:33,022 Bye. 820 00:41:34,492 --> 00:41:35,058 Bye! 821 00:41:35,060 --> 00:41:39,062 So the guy goes, "hey, who put the baby in the dryer?" 822 00:41:39,064 --> 00:41:40,163 Excuse me, miss? 823 00:41:40,165 --> 00:41:42,632 Oh, man. Be right back. 824 00:41:42,634 --> 00:41:44,033 What are you doing here? 825 00:41:44,035 --> 00:41:45,535 Ugh, it's not gonna happen. 826 00:41:45,537 --> 00:41:49,105 I got talking to a girl, but she was into animals. 827 00:41:49,107 --> 00:41:50,507 Really? 828 00:41:50,509 --> 00:41:51,241 Not like that. 829 00:41:51,243 --> 00:41:52,609 Before I even got her name, 830 00:41:52,611 --> 00:41:55,812 she tells me about this pony she caught a bacterial infection from. 831 00:41:55,814 --> 00:41:58,081 Yeah, that's rain rot. 832 00:41:58,083 --> 00:41:59,148 How do you know that? 833 00:41:59,150 --> 00:42:00,683 I was in 4-h when I was a kid. 834 00:42:00,685 --> 00:42:03,219 Look, it's nothing. It just makes you shed. 835 00:42:03,221 --> 00:42:04,220 It's no big deal. 836 00:42:04,222 --> 00:42:07,690 Go back out there and just casually bring up your penis. 837 00:42:07,692 --> 00:42:09,125 This is pathetic. 838 00:42:09,127 --> 00:42:10,960 You do realize there's not a lady here 839 00:42:10,962 --> 00:42:12,896 who can hold a candle to your wife, right? 840 00:42:12,898 --> 00:42:17,834 Stensland! Don't bring her up again. 841 00:42:18,602 --> 00:42:20,837 Get away from me. 842 00:42:26,277 --> 00:42:28,011 Everything okay here? Yeah. 843 00:42:28,013 --> 00:42:30,613 Can I get another double, please? 844 00:42:30,615 --> 00:42:34,183 Oh. And a shot of Tequila. 845 00:42:34,185 --> 00:42:38,621 The shittiest, cheapest Tequila that you have. 846 00:42:55,873 --> 00:42:57,707 Hi. 847 00:42:59,610 --> 00:43:01,578 Hi. 848 00:43:01,779 --> 00:43:06,182 Can you get the fuck up and off my $700 jacket? 849 00:43:06,184 --> 00:43:07,884 Oh. 850 00:43:08,185 --> 00:43:10,119 I'm sorry. 851 00:43:10,754 --> 00:43:11,921 Just give it! Sorry. 852 00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:14,857 Just watch where the fuck you sit next time, dick face. 853 00:43:14,859 --> 00:43:16,125 "Dick face"? Jesus Christ. 854 00:43:16,127 --> 00:43:21,364 Why don't you tell your whore to watch where she drops her shit? 855 00:43:23,101 --> 00:43:23,800 Oh. 856 00:43:23,802 --> 00:43:26,069 No, I didn't say that, he said that. 857 00:43:26,071 --> 00:43:27,303 No. No, I didn't. What? 858 00:43:27,305 --> 00:43:30,273 Listen, drink this, 'cause you're gonna need it in about five minutes. 859 00:43:30,275 --> 00:43:32,241 Who'd you call a whore, motherfucker? 860 00:43:32,243 --> 00:43:34,644 I believe he's referring to her, 861 00:43:34,646 --> 00:43:37,213 and, uh, he also bet me a fish taco 862 00:43:37,215 --> 00:43:38,748 that he'd have her blowing him 863 00:43:38,750 --> 00:43:41,384 in the men's room by last call. What the fuck are you doing? 864 00:43:41,386 --> 00:43:42,719 That is confidence. 865 00:43:42,721 --> 00:43:45,321 Oh, fuck! Okay. Outside, right now. 866 00:43:45,323 --> 00:43:46,923 Bitch. "Bitch"? 867 00:43:46,925 --> 00:43:49,325 Bitch. "Bitch"? Jesus. 868 00:43:49,327 --> 00:43:50,760 Don't ever bring up a man's wife 869 00:43:50,762 --> 00:43:52,996 when you're on bush patrol with him, okay? 870 00:43:52,998 --> 00:43:54,697 You couldn't deal with a pony snuggler, 871 00:43:54,699 --> 00:43:56,132 and you dragged me down with you, 872 00:43:56,134 --> 00:43:57,266 and that has consequences. 873 00:43:57,268 --> 00:44:00,136 Consequences that apparently mean my death, asshole! 874 00:44:00,138 --> 00:44:02,939 Thanks a bunch! You're welcome. 875 00:44:02,941 --> 00:44:04,007 God damn it! 876 00:44:04,009 --> 00:44:05,074 Let's do this, pussy! 877 00:44:05,076 --> 00:44:07,310 I can't believe you did this. He's gonna put me in the hospital. 878 00:44:07,312 --> 00:44:08,878 You know what, you pissed me off, 879 00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:10,880 but now I feel a little shitty about it 880 00:44:10,882 --> 00:44:12,348 because that fucking guy's huge. 881 00:44:12,350 --> 00:44:13,282 He's a giant. 882 00:44:13,284 --> 00:44:16,085 Do you know what? Aside from all that, you need this, stensland. 883 00:44:16,087 --> 00:44:17,353 Oh, I need this? Yes. 884 00:44:17,355 --> 00:44:18,821 Violence is good for a guy. 885 00:44:18,823 --> 00:44:22,358 It'll cure you of the desire to watch Dawson's creek every day. Right? 886 00:44:23,294 --> 00:44:24,961 Hey, it's an award-winner! Best drama, 887 00:44:24,963 --> 00:44:27,230 teen choice awards! Twice! 888 00:44:27,232 --> 00:44:28,197 Use that anger. 889 00:44:28,199 --> 00:44:30,266 You've been bullied your whole life, stensland. 890 00:44:30,268 --> 00:44:31,334 Do something about it. 891 00:44:31,336 --> 00:44:34,270 Put every prick's face that you ever dealt with on that prick's face. 892 00:44:34,272 --> 00:44:37,173 You just shut up and leave me alone. Good. 893 00:44:37,175 --> 00:44:39,208 Let do this, punk! 894 00:44:39,210 --> 00:44:40,943 Fuck! Nice shot. 895 00:44:40,945 --> 00:44:43,946 All right. Proceed. 896 00:44:44,148 --> 00:44:46,416 This will all end very soon. 897 00:44:46,418 --> 00:44:47,784 Come on, stens. 898 00:44:47,786 --> 00:44:50,687 Hey, freshman dork. Look at those bitch hips! 899 00:44:50,689 --> 00:44:52,955 Make good handles for your boyfriend, huh? 900 00:44:52,957 --> 00:44:54,157 Oh! 901 00:44:54,159 --> 00:44:55,725 Keep 'em up. Get 'em up. 902 00:44:55,727 --> 00:44:58,227 You either get giddy about the antique furniture, 903 00:44:58,229 --> 00:45:00,463 or get giddy in the unemployment line. 904 00:45:00,465 --> 00:45:03,433 Come on, stensy. 905 00:45:03,435 --> 00:45:06,202 You're a child, stensland. 906 00:45:06,204 --> 00:45:07,070 A mistake. 907 00:45:07,072 --> 00:45:09,939 I could never be your girlfriend. 908 00:45:18,782 --> 00:45:21,384 Keep fighting! I did it! 909 00:45:24,321 --> 00:45:26,756 Stensy? 910 00:45:28,492 --> 00:45:30,893 Stensland! 911 00:45:32,763 --> 00:45:34,430 Mmm... 912 00:45:34,865 --> 00:45:37,133 Hello, Dolly. 913 00:45:37,201 --> 00:45:39,802 Why do I have wilford brimley's mustache? 914 00:45:39,804 --> 00:45:41,938 Stensland, you punched me in the face. 915 00:45:41,940 --> 00:45:45,942 You felt that? I thought it was only pretend. 916 00:45:51,281 --> 00:45:52,081 Whoa. 917 00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:54,417 What's your assistant doing in the Swiss alps? 918 00:45:54,419 --> 00:45:56,185 Care for a schmoke, stensland? 919 00:45:56,187 --> 00:45:59,889 Man, she's wearing the shit out of those hosen. 920 00:45:59,891 --> 00:46:02,058 Come, stensland. Ja, is good. 921 00:46:02,060 --> 00:46:04,794 Schmoke-ity, schmoke-ity, schmoke-ity. 922 00:46:04,796 --> 00:46:07,530 Hmm. Ja, is good. 923 00:46:11,803 --> 00:46:14,470 I wanted a schmoke. 924 00:46:33,390 --> 00:46:37,360 Grady, you piece of shit. 925 00:46:38,462 --> 00:46:42,398 And for some reason, she had two goats. 926 00:46:44,234 --> 00:46:46,068 You're drooling jam. 927 00:46:46,070 --> 00:46:49,872 Okay. Okay. 928 00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:52,241 So, we lived together for three years, 929 00:46:52,243 --> 00:46:55,278 and by far the most scandalous thing i ever saw you do was 930 00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:57,547 roll the dice on some expired pudding cups 931 00:46:57,549 --> 00:46:59,315 you found in the back of the fridge. 932 00:46:59,317 --> 00:47:01,484 A gamble I lost, if you remember. I do. 933 00:47:01,486 --> 00:47:04,153 Yet, in the 48 hours since I moved out, 934 00:47:04,155 --> 00:47:05,888 you blackmailed your mistress, 935 00:47:05,890 --> 00:47:07,290 you had a gun stuck in your face, 936 00:47:07,292 --> 00:47:09,091 you let your mistress's husband move in, 937 00:47:09,093 --> 00:47:12,962 and you fist-fought a man twice your size in an alley? 938 00:47:12,964 --> 00:47:13,529 Yes. 939 00:47:13,531 --> 00:47:16,566 Why didn't you unleash any of this radness when I was there? 940 00:47:16,568 --> 00:47:18,501 None of this is radness, Lyle. 941 00:47:18,503 --> 00:47:20,069 I need this guy out of my place. 942 00:47:20,071 --> 00:47:22,305 No, it's all radness, man. Adventure is erupting all around you. 943 00:47:22,307 --> 00:47:26,242 And I'm hating it. No. No, you don't realize you're loving it. 944 00:47:26,244 --> 00:47:27,910 Soldiers go to war, and they hate it, 945 00:47:27,912 --> 00:47:29,979 yet it's all they talk about when they get back. 946 00:47:29,981 --> 00:47:31,547 I'm a prematurely old man who wants 947 00:47:31,549 --> 00:47:33,616 nothing more than a comfortable place to sit 948 00:47:33,618 --> 00:47:36,352 and a diet root beer to enjoy the silence with. 949 00:47:36,354 --> 00:47:37,486 I can't deal with all this. 950 00:47:37,488 --> 00:47:41,190 You remember final destination and its subsequent sequels? 951 00:47:41,192 --> 00:47:42,358 The teenagers cheated death, 952 00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:44,527 and then death came after them to finish the job? 953 00:47:44,529 --> 00:47:45,595 Great movie. Yeah. 954 00:47:45,597 --> 00:47:47,330 I think you cheated youth in your 20s 955 00:47:47,332 --> 00:47:52,068 by denying yourself sex, and reckless behavior, and fun in general. 956 00:47:52,070 --> 00:47:53,569 Now fun's come back to claim your soul, 957 00:47:53,571 --> 00:47:57,406 and it's come in the form of a middle-aged pervert. 958 00:47:57,408 --> 00:47:58,474 What if I outwit fun? 959 00:47:58,476 --> 00:48:02,478 Perform the old switcheroo to defend my geriatric way of life. 960 00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:04,080 No, no, you can't outwit fun, man. 961 00:48:04,082 --> 00:48:07,450 Especially when you're broke, and fun's paying the rent. 962 00:48:09,953 --> 00:48:12,488 Thank you. You're welcome. 963 00:48:14,491 --> 00:48:16,325 Shit! 964 00:48:20,998 --> 00:48:22,431 Hannah! 965 00:48:22,599 --> 00:48:25,134 What are you doing down there? Did you find a penny? 966 00:48:25,136 --> 00:48:28,437 No. I'm hiding from an annoying asshole. 967 00:48:28,439 --> 00:48:29,305 Oh. 968 00:48:29,307 --> 00:48:32,108 Listen, I just want to apologize for the other day. 969 00:48:32,110 --> 00:48:34,076 I had my panties in a pretty tight bunch. 970 00:48:34,078 --> 00:48:38,514 I brought another apology in the form of a warm scone. 971 00:48:38,516 --> 00:48:39,348 A scone? 972 00:48:39,350 --> 00:48:41,651 Yeah, it's from the German term "schonbrot." 973 00:48:41,653 --> 00:48:43,152 Speaking of the old country, 974 00:48:43,154 --> 00:48:45,054 do you happen to have any germanic breeding 975 00:48:45,056 --> 00:48:48,257 or own a pair of exotic lederhosen, by chance? 976 00:48:48,259 --> 00:48:49,325 Nice eye shadow. 977 00:48:49,327 --> 00:48:50,693 Oh, yeah, this is just a shiner 978 00:48:50,695 --> 00:48:53,496 from a drunken Duke-out I had last night. 979 00:48:53,498 --> 00:48:54,630 You did? Yeah. 980 00:48:54,632 --> 00:48:58,000 Wow. You know, that's really sexy. 981 00:48:58,002 --> 00:48:58,634 Really? 982 00:48:58,636 --> 00:49:01,037 It's the weirdest thing. I'm seeing you in this whole new light. 983 00:49:01,039 --> 00:49:04,640 Well, you should see the other guy. He's fine. 984 00:49:04,642 --> 00:49:06,509 I kind of want you. 985 00:49:06,511 --> 00:49:09,045 Really? No. Go away. 986 00:49:09,047 --> 00:49:10,012 Oh. 987 00:49:10,014 --> 00:49:11,480 Listen... 988 00:49:11,482 --> 00:49:13,582 I'm coming up to see Morgan. 989 00:49:13,584 --> 00:49:15,117 Can't you just leave her alone? 990 00:49:15,119 --> 00:49:17,987 She had me out drinking until 2:00 in the morning last night, 991 00:49:17,989 --> 00:49:20,122 ranting and raving over the sick mind game 992 00:49:20,124 --> 00:49:21,457 that you and Grady are playing. 993 00:49:21,459 --> 00:49:25,461 You two jackoffs are fucking up my shit now. 994 00:49:25,529 --> 00:49:27,463 Have you tried smoking pot to cool down? 995 00:49:27,465 --> 00:49:30,499 It helps me unwind when I'm stressed out, like you are now. 996 00:49:30,501 --> 00:49:34,971 Plus, it really increases my orgasm when I masturbate. 997 00:49:34,973 --> 00:49:37,640 Oh. Oh, my god. 998 00:49:37,642 --> 00:49:38,541 You remind me... 999 00:49:38,543 --> 00:49:40,009 Of a girlish tilda swinton? 1000 00:49:40,011 --> 00:49:41,243 I get that all the time. 1001 00:49:41,245 --> 00:49:43,646 No, of a rash I picked up in south America. 1002 00:49:43,648 --> 00:49:45,181 Headache, nausea, made my skin crawl. 1003 00:49:45,183 --> 00:49:49,385 Sounds like the symptoms of lovesickness. Maybe I'm growing on you. 1004 00:49:50,221 --> 00:49:52,555 You couldn't grow on me with all the seeds and soil in the world. 1005 00:49:52,557 --> 00:49:54,490 Eh. Could you tell Morgan I'm here? 1006 00:49:54,492 --> 00:49:55,458 She's in a meeting. 1007 00:49:55,460 --> 00:49:59,428 Please. We need to talk about Grady. 1008 00:49:59,696 --> 00:50:04,166 Thanks for staying late, guys. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? 1009 00:50:05,736 --> 00:50:06,469 Hello. 1010 00:50:06,471 --> 00:50:09,739 Ooh. Caramel macchiato. Excellent choice. 1011 00:50:09,741 --> 00:50:11,207 Do you want me in on this? 1012 00:50:11,209 --> 00:50:13,509 Actually, yes. I do want the restraint of a witness present. 1013 00:50:13,511 --> 00:50:16,112 Hmm, I'd prefer a private sitdown, 1014 00:50:16,114 --> 00:50:19,248 so if you don't mind, Hannah. 1015 00:50:21,718 --> 00:50:23,219 Is he really living with you? 1016 00:50:23,221 --> 00:50:26,322 Yes, he even went grocery shopping. 1017 00:50:27,191 --> 00:50:28,324 He's fucking unbelievable. 1018 00:50:28,326 --> 00:50:30,559 You want to know what else he's doing? No. What? 1019 00:50:30,561 --> 00:50:34,163 Hitting on strange girls, trying to have sex with them. 1020 00:50:34,165 --> 00:50:35,331 Gross, charmless creatures, 1021 00:50:35,333 --> 00:50:38,768 not even in your evolutionary strain, let alone your league. 1022 00:50:38,770 --> 00:50:40,736 No, he isn't. Yes, he is! 1023 00:50:40,738 --> 00:50:41,637 Okay, relax. 1024 00:50:41,639 --> 00:50:43,506 We went out last night "muff scouting." 1025 00:50:43,508 --> 00:50:46,375 His despicable words, not mine. Okay, enough. 1026 00:50:46,377 --> 00:50:49,078 Do you really want to stay with this man? 1027 00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:50,446 A man who'd use your infidelity 1028 00:50:50,448 --> 00:50:52,248 as nothing more than a... Okay, will you stop? 1029 00:50:52,250 --> 00:50:54,083 ..."wham, bam, ram another ma'am for free" card? 1030 00:50:54,085 --> 00:50:55,551 Okay, yeah, enough. Out. Out, go. 1031 00:50:55,553 --> 00:50:57,420 Step inside my new kind of love! 1032 00:50:57,422 --> 00:51:00,089 Go! Go home to your boyfriend. 1033 00:51:00,091 --> 00:51:02,091 You need weed very badly. 1034 00:51:02,093 --> 00:51:03,559 Auf wiedersehen, loser! 1035 00:51:03,561 --> 00:51:06,295 German? I knew it. 1036 00:51:07,765 --> 00:51:09,799 Where are you going? I'm going to see Grady. 1037 00:51:09,801 --> 00:51:12,835 I mean, I screwed this up, but it's his fault, too. 1038 00:51:12,837 --> 00:51:13,769 No, Morgan... 1039 00:51:13,771 --> 00:51:15,271 He can't act like this, okay? 1040 00:51:15,273 --> 00:51:16,705 He should be fighting for me, for us. 1041 00:51:16,707 --> 00:51:18,607 You would just be wasting your breath. 1042 00:51:18,609 --> 00:51:20,776 He is a brain-damaged ape. They all are. 1043 00:51:20,778 --> 00:51:24,847 As soon as they get a head full of steam, they're impossible to control. 1044 00:51:24,849 --> 00:51:26,649 So, just let him beat his chest, wag his dick, 1045 00:51:26,651 --> 00:51:31,220 whatever else he needs to do to start thinking clearly again. 1046 00:51:31,222 --> 00:51:34,757 He will come crawling back, I promise. 1047 00:51:34,759 --> 00:51:38,194 Now, come on. Worry about you. 1048 00:51:38,196 --> 00:51:40,529 Worry about this pitch. 1049 00:51:41,833 --> 00:51:46,202 I don't pay you enough, do I? No, you don't. 1050 00:51:46,204 --> 00:51:48,537 Let's remember that. 1051 00:52:00,317 --> 00:52:03,786 There he is. You ready for round two there, slugger? 1052 00:52:03,788 --> 00:52:06,155 It's ladies' night at a whiskey bar downtown. 1053 00:52:06,157 --> 00:52:09,258 No, no. My head is still throbbing from last night. 1054 00:52:09,260 --> 00:52:13,496 That's evidence of an excellent two-fisted outing. Congrats. 1055 00:52:13,498 --> 00:52:15,231 No, I was hoping we could stay in, 1056 00:52:15,233 --> 00:52:18,701 you know, put some ice cubes in the bong shaft for a nice cool smoke, 1057 00:52:18,703 --> 00:52:22,805 order some thai, maybe hit up some easy listening on pandora. 1058 00:52:22,807 --> 00:52:24,373 Come on, buddy, that sounds like 1059 00:52:24,375 --> 00:52:25,774 a fuckin' baby shower in Portland. 1060 00:52:25,776 --> 00:52:27,276 We're not gonna get laid like that. 1061 00:52:27,278 --> 00:52:29,478 Let's get a little pre-party buzz going before the uber arrives. 1062 00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:31,747 Listen, i know you're on vacation and everything, 1063 00:52:31,749 --> 00:52:33,482 but just because I agreed to room with you 1064 00:52:33,484 --> 00:52:37,319 doesn't mean that I also agreed to a nightly rat pack tribute. 1065 00:52:37,321 --> 00:52:39,188 I'm staying in tonight. 1066 00:52:39,190 --> 00:52:40,589 You're gonna do what I say, 1067 00:52:40,591 --> 00:52:42,525 and that is that we're going out. 1068 00:52:42,527 --> 00:52:44,160 You're not the boss of me. 1069 00:52:44,162 --> 00:52:46,362 "Stopbullying.Gov." Visit it. 1070 00:52:46,364 --> 00:52:47,763 You know what I've got in here? 1071 00:52:47,765 --> 00:52:49,565 The private number of every police chief 1072 00:52:49,567 --> 00:52:51,433 and circuit judge in the county. 1073 00:52:51,435 --> 00:52:52,301 Big whoop. 1074 00:52:52,303 --> 00:52:53,669 How do you think those people would feel 1075 00:52:53,671 --> 00:52:58,507 about your attempt to blackmail my wife for $15,000? 1076 00:52:58,708 --> 00:53:00,609 Yeah, that's not good for you. 1077 00:53:00,611 --> 00:53:02,611 Here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna get dressed. 1078 00:53:02,613 --> 00:53:07,716 No hoodies, no sneakers, no disturbingly tight shorts. 1079 00:53:07,718 --> 00:53:11,720 I want my wingman to look like a real man. 1080 00:53:16,359 --> 00:53:21,864 So I make the mistake of dressing as sexy gumby 1081 00:53:21,866 --> 00:53:25,401 to my Halloween office party, 1082 00:53:25,403 --> 00:53:26,669 and I'm hiding in this room 1083 00:53:26,671 --> 00:53:33,776 because my drunk, douchey boss is always wanting to fuck me and stuff. 1084 00:53:33,778 --> 00:53:37,713 So Grady finds me all upset in the xerox room, 1085 00:53:37,715 --> 00:53:41,584 and he just gives me this pep talk, you know? 1086 00:53:41,586 --> 00:53:46,522 Like, about quitting my job, and about opening my own firm, 1087 00:53:46,524 --> 00:53:50,993 and just fucking getting life by the balls, you know? 1088 00:53:50,995 --> 00:53:56,865 So, five minutes later, my fucker boss gooses my ass, 1089 00:53:56,867 --> 00:53:59,568 so I pick up this bowl of hummus, 1090 00:53:59,570 --> 00:54:03,606 and I just smash it over the fucker's head. Seriously. 1091 00:54:03,608 --> 00:54:06,342 Grady was so great at the police station. 1092 00:54:06,344 --> 00:54:10,312 I mean, he stood by my side, he got me off, 1093 00:54:10,314 --> 00:54:14,750 and then, you know, he got me off. 1094 00:54:15,586 --> 00:54:19,722 And, you know, we've just been together ever since. 1095 00:54:20,390 --> 00:54:24,426 He asked if you wanted chicken on your nachos. 1096 00:54:27,964 --> 00:54:30,566 That's not what I heard. 1097 00:54:30,834 --> 00:54:35,404 Oh, Jesus, what is this? It smells like a dead body. 1098 00:54:35,406 --> 00:54:36,639 Maccoinnich. What? 1099 00:54:36,641 --> 00:54:39,808 Quadruple-distilled. Drink it. 1100 00:54:42,879 --> 00:54:45,047 Oh, my god, it's burning me. 1101 00:54:45,049 --> 00:54:46,749 It's burning everything. 1102 00:54:46,751 --> 00:54:47,650 92% alcohol. 1103 00:54:47,652 --> 00:54:51,754 It's what Scottish priests would drink whenever they were constipated. 1104 00:54:51,756 --> 00:54:52,955 Here, do another. 1105 00:54:52,957 --> 00:54:54,490 I don't really want to do another one. 1106 00:54:54,492 --> 00:54:56,759 The second one is better. Is it? 1107 00:54:56,761 --> 00:54:58,594 Do it. 1108 00:54:59,796 --> 00:55:01,730 That actually makes me... 1109 00:55:01,732 --> 00:55:02,965 Oh, my god, it's worse. 1110 00:55:02,967 --> 00:55:07,503 Yeah. It's killing all the tumors in your throat right now. 1111 00:55:10,407 --> 00:55:11,807 You all right? Yeah. 1112 00:55:11,809 --> 00:55:14,376 Come on. Drink another. 1113 00:55:14,378 --> 00:55:15,644 I mean, we're... 1114 00:55:15,646 --> 00:55:17,980 Down the haggis hole. 1115 00:55:21,485 --> 00:55:23,018 Yeah! 1116 00:55:31,795 --> 00:55:34,630 Hey. You wanna talk? 1117 00:55:39,669 --> 00:55:41,704 Who brought a cat? 1118 00:55:46,509 --> 00:55:47,943 How long was I out? 1119 00:55:47,945 --> 00:55:49,778 About an hour. 1120 00:55:49,780 --> 00:55:51,380 Is it midnight yet? 1121 00:55:51,382 --> 00:55:52,781 No, it's 9:30. 1122 00:55:52,783 --> 00:55:54,983 Come on, keep drinking. 1123 00:56:03,561 --> 00:56:05,527 I believe it was Hemingway who once wrote, 1124 00:56:05,529 --> 00:56:07,629 "no man is truly a man till he vomits 1125 00:56:07,631 --> 00:56:10,966 "behind big Jim's pancake house." 1126 00:56:19,476 --> 00:56:21,043 Let's go, grandpa, fuck or fight? 1127 00:56:21,045 --> 00:56:22,711 Those are hurtful words, Jerry. 1128 00:56:22,713 --> 00:56:26,749 You know, I bluffed the da when I had your charges dropped, 1129 00:56:26,816 --> 00:56:29,084 but I'm not bluffing today. 1130 00:56:29,086 --> 00:56:31,019 Look at that. 1131 00:56:31,021 --> 00:56:32,554 Hey, wait a second. 1132 00:56:32,556 --> 00:56:35,691 Where the fuck is everybody? 1133 00:56:38,428 --> 00:56:39,828 Stensland. 1134 00:56:39,830 --> 00:56:42,097 She's left him. 1135 00:57:02,919 --> 00:57:04,853 Grady, let me in! 1136 00:57:15,098 --> 00:57:15,898 Grady! 1137 00:57:15,900 --> 00:57:19,735 Let me in! Grady, please let me in! 1138 00:57:20,003 --> 00:57:22,971 I have had more alcohol than oxygen for a week. 1139 00:57:22,973 --> 00:57:28,477 I can't wait to get home and slip into my Jimmy-jammies. 1140 00:57:28,479 --> 00:57:32,648 Cabbie, campus and 27th. Step on it. 1141 00:57:32,650 --> 00:57:35,851 What campus? Campus? 1142 00:57:36,853 --> 00:57:40,556 Stensland! Stensland! Stensland! 1143 00:57:40,558 --> 00:57:44,693 Stensland! Stensland! Stensland! 1144 00:57:51,234 --> 00:57:52,034 Stop it! 1145 00:57:52,036 --> 00:57:55,604 I said, shut up, god damn it! 1146 00:57:57,508 --> 00:57:59,975 What's wrong with you people? 1147 00:57:59,977 --> 00:58:04,146 Has the collegiate experience become so dull in this country 1148 00:58:04,148 --> 00:58:06,682 that causing irreversible harm to your bodies 1149 00:58:06,684 --> 00:58:12,254 with this binge drinking is the only way to have a hoot? 1150 00:58:13,791 --> 00:58:16,158 This isn't fun! 1151 00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:18,193 This is sadomasochism! 1152 00:58:18,195 --> 00:58:22,564 Have you never heard of board games? 1153 00:58:22,566 --> 00:58:25,834 Scattergories is a laugh riot! 1154 00:58:25,836 --> 00:58:29,505 Whatever happened to spin the bottle 1155 00:58:29,507 --> 00:58:33,141 and kiss-chasing on the green? 1156 00:58:33,910 --> 00:58:36,678 You're all alcoholics. 1157 00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:40,082 You need to attend meetings! 1158 00:58:40,084 --> 00:58:44,920 Well, screw it, I'm making a stand! 1159 00:58:44,922 --> 00:58:50,792 Let's put an end to these black sabbaths and brain damage! 1160 00:58:50,794 --> 00:58:51,760 Join me and say, 1161 00:58:51,762 --> 00:58:58,267 "we don't have to be party animals to be cool!" 1162 00:59:06,743 --> 00:59:10,178 Let's make him drink from the hobo's boot! 1163 00:59:10,180 --> 00:59:11,747 Yeah! 1164 00:59:11,749 --> 00:59:15,651 Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot! 1165 00:59:15,653 --> 00:59:18,820 Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot! 1166 00:59:18,822 --> 00:59:21,189 Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot! 1167 00:59:21,191 --> 00:59:22,024 Hobo's boot! 1168 00:59:22,026 --> 00:59:27,696 Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot! 1169 00:59:29,232 --> 00:59:30,999 How did that boot taste, buddy? 1170 00:59:31,001 --> 00:59:33,035 Like homelessness in my mouth. 1171 00:59:33,037 --> 00:59:34,603 Why did you make them refill it? 1172 00:59:34,605 --> 00:59:37,806 We didn't have enough camera coverage for the YouTube video. 1173 00:59:37,808 --> 00:59:39,975 Hey, it was the hit of the party. You're gonna be a legend. 1174 00:59:39,977 --> 00:59:44,279 Please tell me you found your "bang strange" lady tonight. 1175 00:59:44,281 --> 00:59:45,314 I didn't, I didn't, 1176 00:59:45,316 --> 00:59:47,950 but bacardi's is hosting a pool party tomorrow night. 1177 00:59:47,952 --> 00:59:50,852 There'll be fur-burgers grilling all night long. 1178 00:59:50,854 --> 00:59:52,120 Tomorrow? Tomorrow night. 1179 00:59:52,122 --> 00:59:54,022 I don't... Come on. Come on, watch your head. 1180 00:59:54,024 --> 00:59:57,826 Watch your head, watch your head, watch your head. 1181 01:00:12,208 --> 01:00:16,111 You know what? We're going to take a quick detour. 1182 01:00:16,113 --> 01:00:16,912 Uh... 1183 01:00:16,914 --> 01:00:21,683 When you hit this stop sign, let's go to the right. 1184 01:00:41,171 --> 01:00:43,672 My tummy hurts. 1185 01:00:45,109 --> 01:00:47,876 Uh, we'd better get going. 1186 01:01:11,167 --> 01:01:13,802 Oh, god! 1187 01:01:18,007 --> 01:01:21,076 Uh, we need to turn around. 1188 01:01:21,078 --> 01:01:23,145 He fell out. 1189 01:01:30,053 --> 01:01:32,721 Where did I come from? 1190 01:01:37,293 --> 01:01:39,194 Thank you. 1191 01:01:52,308 --> 01:01:54,009 Stensland? 1192 01:01:55,178 --> 01:01:55,977 Oh... 1193 01:01:55,979 --> 01:01:59,181 Please don't be mean to me right now. I'm hanging on by a thread. 1194 01:01:59,183 --> 01:02:01,883 What the hell are you doing here? 1195 01:02:01,885 --> 01:02:03,752 I'm hiding from Grady. 1196 01:02:03,754 --> 01:02:05,754 At soft solutions? 1197 01:02:05,756 --> 01:02:07,289 Yeah. It's my favorite place. 1198 01:02:07,291 --> 01:02:11,727 It's clean, comfortable, the staff are warm-hearted. 1199 01:02:11,994 --> 01:02:12,828 Stensy! 1200 01:02:12,830 --> 01:02:16,865 Hey, Brandon, looking svelte, hombre. 1201 01:02:16,999 --> 01:02:19,301 They're so nice to me here. 1202 01:02:19,303 --> 01:02:20,802 Oh, god, you're weird. 1203 01:02:20,804 --> 01:02:22,938 Okay, well, I'll leave you to it. 1204 01:02:22,940 --> 01:02:24,339 No, no, no, please don't go. 1205 01:02:24,341 --> 01:02:27,209 Come on. We need to talk. Let's square our beef. 1206 01:02:27,211 --> 01:02:31,513 Come and check out the "casual refinement" living room set, huh? 1207 01:02:31,515 --> 01:02:34,182 Seriously? Yeah. 1208 01:02:39,255 --> 01:02:40,922 There we go. 1209 01:02:40,924 --> 01:02:43,391 Take a deep breath, relax. 1210 01:02:43,393 --> 01:02:47,362 Let the comfort and ambience envelop you. 1211 01:02:47,364 --> 01:02:52,000 So, madam, what brings you to soft solutions today? 1212 01:02:52,002 --> 01:02:57,005 Are you shopping for a new home or just browsing? 1213 01:02:57,007 --> 01:02:58,006 None of the above. 1214 01:02:58,008 --> 01:03:00,509 Returning a hideous Moroccan throw rug for Morgan. 1215 01:03:00,511 --> 01:03:04,479 God damn it. I picked that out for her. 1216 01:03:04,814 --> 01:03:06,848 You did? 1217 01:03:07,016 --> 01:03:08,250 You met Morgan here? 1218 01:03:08,252 --> 01:03:11,887 Yeah. In decor enrichments. 1219 01:03:11,889 --> 01:03:13,321 God, she was so beautiful. 1220 01:03:13,323 --> 01:03:17,425 I was intimidated, to say the least, but, I don't know, 1221 01:03:17,427 --> 01:03:23,131 I got brave, we started talking, and we clicked. 1222 01:03:24,233 --> 01:03:27,202 I just wanted a girlfriend. 1223 01:03:27,303 --> 01:03:28,069 Aw. 1224 01:03:28,071 --> 01:03:32,440 Okay, listen, let me give you a tip as your search continues. 1225 01:03:32,442 --> 01:03:34,075 Going psycho and blackmailing a woman 1226 01:03:34,077 --> 01:03:37,546 isn't going to change her mind about your boyfriend potential. 1227 01:03:37,548 --> 01:03:40,348 That's fair enough. Yeah. 1228 01:03:40,350 --> 01:03:43,518 You know she really loves Grady, right? 1229 01:03:44,987 --> 01:03:46,388 Yeah, I know. 1230 01:03:46,390 --> 01:03:49,858 God, I can't wait to get these people out of my life. 1231 01:03:49,860 --> 01:03:51,359 Then kick Grady out. I can't. 1232 01:03:51,361 --> 01:03:54,229 I'm a blackmailer, remember? He could have me arrested. 1233 01:03:54,231 --> 01:03:56,565 I'm his kunta kinte until he decides to set me free. 1234 01:03:56,567 --> 01:04:00,235 That's not gonna happen until he balances the scales with Morgan 1235 01:04:00,237 --> 01:04:01,937 and gets his revenge schtup. 1236 01:04:01,939 --> 01:04:03,471 Okay, so then what are you doing 1237 01:04:03,473 --> 01:04:05,373 to help him on this ridiculous mission? 1238 01:04:05,375 --> 01:04:07,576 Nothing. I hate going out. 1239 01:04:07,578 --> 01:04:09,444 I'm a total curmudgeon. 1240 01:04:09,446 --> 01:04:10,579 And a whiny little bitch. 1241 01:04:10,581 --> 01:04:12,514 I wear pajama tops and flip flops to nightclubs. 1242 01:04:12,516 --> 01:04:16,284 You have the social skills of a truck driver with asperger's. 1243 01:04:16,286 --> 01:04:17,319 I'm a horrible wingman. 1244 01:04:17,321 --> 01:04:20,889 You're like a colossal cockblocker. 1245 01:04:21,224 --> 01:04:22,891 Oh, my god. 1246 01:04:22,893 --> 01:04:23,525 Hannah. 1247 01:04:23,527 --> 01:04:27,195 I'm the reason Grady hasn't pulled the dick trigger. 1248 01:04:27,197 --> 01:04:29,598 Good god, you're a genius. 1249 01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:32,901 You're just realizing this now? 1250 01:04:32,903 --> 01:04:37,072 Grady? Where are we headed tonight? 1251 01:04:37,074 --> 01:04:39,908 I am parched for hootch! 1252 01:04:39,976 --> 01:04:41,076 Dear dumbass. 1253 01:04:41,078 --> 01:04:43,411 I have some work to get done at the office. 1254 01:04:43,413 --> 01:04:44,646 Consider yourself on parole. 1255 01:04:44,648 --> 01:04:48,316 Love, the motherfucker in charge. 1256 01:04:49,486 --> 01:04:52,921 Not on my watch, kemosabe. 1257 01:05:31,494 --> 01:05:35,096 Yeah, looking good, stensy. 1258 01:05:39,568 --> 01:05:41,670 Keep the change, baby. 1259 01:05:42,104 --> 01:05:44,272 Get yourself something nice. 1260 01:05:47,311 --> 01:05:49,044 What was that? 1261 01:06:18,375 --> 01:06:19,574 It's checking out time. 1262 01:06:19,576 --> 01:06:21,176 What the fuck are you doing here? 1263 01:06:21,178 --> 01:06:24,512 Put that shit away. It's Thursday night, weekend's already started. 1264 01:06:24,514 --> 01:06:26,514 Jesus Christ, you look like shit. 1265 01:06:26,516 --> 01:06:28,750 Is that my Rocco richetti pinstripe? 1266 01:06:28,752 --> 01:06:31,419 Yeah. Fits like a condom, right? 1267 01:06:31,421 --> 01:06:33,254 All I'm saying is ladies' night 1268 01:06:33,256 --> 01:06:35,623 at the Trinity club is already in progress. 1269 01:06:35,625 --> 01:06:38,760 Three floors of DJs, dancing, and binge drinking. 1270 01:06:38,762 --> 01:06:42,130 You take all those ingredients, put 'em in a muffin pan, 1271 01:06:42,132 --> 01:06:43,465 when they come out of the oven, 1272 01:06:43,467 --> 01:06:45,233 they're hot, sweaty, and destined for regret. 1273 01:06:45,235 --> 01:06:49,070 Come on. Are we gonna settle the score with Morgan or what? 1274 01:06:49,072 --> 01:06:53,108 Let's finish what you fuckin' started. 1275 01:06:56,412 --> 01:06:59,280 You know what? You're right. 1276 01:06:59,282 --> 01:07:02,217 Fuck it. Let's do it. 1277 01:07:06,490 --> 01:07:09,324 Who is the ringleader? You're up! You're up. You're up. 1278 01:07:09,326 --> 01:07:13,628 Who is the ringleader? You're up! You're up! You're up! 1279 01:07:13,630 --> 01:07:17,232 Who is the ringleader? You're... 1280 01:07:17,767 --> 01:07:19,534 Wow. You guys live here? Yeah. 1281 01:07:19,536 --> 01:07:23,471 We've stripped away all the snobbery of modern trendy furnishing 1282 01:07:23,473 --> 01:07:28,376 to create a streamlined hidey-hole of purified partying. 1283 01:07:28,378 --> 01:07:30,311 We call it "beatnik chic." 1284 01:07:30,313 --> 01:07:31,746 Works for me. Cool. 1285 01:07:31,748 --> 01:07:34,049 Tequila! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! 1286 01:07:34,051 --> 01:07:36,718 Fuck. I lasso doublemint twins for us, 1287 01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:38,520 and you sit here like a gassy infant? Come on! 1288 01:07:38,522 --> 01:07:41,623 What the fuck happened to you? Burns so good, baby. 1289 01:07:41,625 --> 01:07:42,624 Ai! Yi-yi-yi-yi! 1290 01:07:42,626 --> 01:07:45,527 Was that a middle eastern war cry? That was. 1291 01:07:45,529 --> 01:07:47,462 Where did that come from? I don't know. 1292 01:07:47,464 --> 01:07:48,797 You get up off of your vagina. 1293 01:07:48,799 --> 01:07:51,232 You're embarrassing yourself. Come on. 1294 01:07:51,234 --> 01:07:52,167 Fuck. 1295 01:07:52,169 --> 01:07:53,535 The next one's for you, handsome. 1296 01:07:53,537 --> 01:07:55,637 Remember what we're doing here. 1297 01:07:55,639 --> 01:07:56,504 Thank you. 1298 01:07:56,506 --> 01:07:58,573 Are we too cray-cray for you, Grady? 1299 01:07:58,575 --> 01:07:59,574 Yes. 1300 01:07:59,576 --> 01:08:01,209 You'll have to excuse my friend. 1301 01:08:01,211 --> 01:08:03,812 He gets bashful around beautiful women. 1302 01:08:03,814 --> 01:08:05,447 Aw! Aw! 1303 01:08:05,449 --> 01:08:07,282 We need music. Yes! 1304 01:08:07,284 --> 01:08:10,518 Whoa... cool! Records, just like my Nana's house. 1305 01:08:10,520 --> 01:08:13,755 The next shots are gonna come out of my navel, boys. 1306 01:08:13,757 --> 01:08:17,292 Here, help me up, stensy. Ooh. Yeah. 1307 01:08:17,359 --> 01:08:20,495 I got it. Billy ocean! 1308 01:08:20,863 --> 01:08:22,097 Oh. Oh, no, no, no. 1309 01:08:22,099 --> 01:08:26,301 You know, i don't think Billy ocean is such a good idea. 1310 01:08:26,303 --> 01:08:27,469 Who's Billy ocean? 1311 01:08:27,471 --> 01:08:28,803 What's your problem with Billy ocean? 1312 01:08:28,805 --> 01:08:32,173 I... I just react strangely to his music, okay? 1313 01:08:32,175 --> 01:08:34,375 I just... I just have an emotional relationship. 1314 01:08:34,377 --> 01:08:38,513 There's a lot of history there, okay? So, don't put it on. 1315 01:08:38,515 --> 01:08:40,115 Hmm. You hear that, girls? 1316 01:08:40,117 --> 01:08:43,651 Stensland reacts strangely to Billy ocean's music. 1317 01:08:43,653 --> 01:08:45,687 No, no, no, elaborate. 1318 01:08:45,689 --> 01:08:48,256 No, I don't really... Come on! Please? 1319 01:08:48,258 --> 01:08:50,258 - No, no, no, because... - Stensy... 1320 01:08:50,260 --> 01:08:51,526 Fine, fine, okay. It's... 1321 01:08:51,528 --> 01:08:57,632 It's kind of sappy, but, uh, it's genuine stensland. 1322 01:08:57,634 --> 01:08:58,700 All right. 1323 01:08:58,702 --> 01:09:01,236 Amber mcginnitty was the prettiest 1324 01:09:01,238 --> 01:09:03,238 12-year-old in the history of 12-year-olds. 1325 01:09:03,240 --> 01:09:08,176 She loved Billy ocean, and I loved her, so I studied him. 1326 01:09:08,178 --> 01:09:13,515 He was everything I wasn't. Suave, soulful, fashionable, black. 1327 01:09:13,517 --> 01:09:16,551 My mother made me a little white suit just like Billy's. 1328 01:09:16,553 --> 01:09:23,324 I put it on, locked myself in my bedroom, and danced to his jams. 1329 01:09:24,160 --> 01:09:28,596 And then I'd cry and feel sorry for myself. 1330 01:09:28,664 --> 01:09:29,764 Oh... 1331 01:09:29,766 --> 01:09:30,498 Aw... 1332 01:09:30,500 --> 01:09:33,201 So, anytime I hear the sounds of the ocean now, 1333 01:09:33,203 --> 01:09:37,739 it just puts me in mind of Amber mcginnitty. 1334 01:09:37,741 --> 01:09:38,873 Well, did you ask her out? 1335 01:09:38,875 --> 01:09:41,676 Yes, to the tropical para-dance. 1336 01:09:41,678 --> 01:09:44,245 And she said yes? 1337 01:09:48,384 --> 01:09:49,417 Oh! Oh... 1338 01:09:49,419 --> 01:09:50,785 Oh... Ooh. 1339 01:09:50,787 --> 01:09:52,820 Oh, stensy... Oh, that's nice. 1340 01:09:52,822 --> 01:09:56,591 Hey. Hey, hey. I would hug you, too, but, um... 1341 01:09:56,593 --> 01:09:59,561 I've got a beverage in my bellybutton. 1342 01:09:59,563 --> 01:10:02,330 Come on. Come on. 1343 01:10:02,332 --> 01:10:04,299 Um... 1344 01:10:04,733 --> 01:10:06,634 Suck me. 1345 01:10:06,835 --> 01:10:09,571 Do it. Suck her. 1346 01:10:21,418 --> 01:10:22,784 Go, stensy! 1347 01:10:37,399 --> 01:10:39,801 Yeah, stensy! Whoo! 1348 01:10:44,840 --> 01:10:46,007 Whoo! 1349 01:10:47,577 --> 01:10:50,845 Whoo! 1350 01:11:32,822 --> 01:11:34,822 Fucking slut. 1351 01:11:36,293 --> 01:11:37,292 What? 1352 01:11:37,294 --> 01:11:41,629 I'm sorry. Samantha is a fucking slut. 1353 01:11:41,631 --> 01:11:43,998 You're nice, stensland. It's just... 1354 01:11:44,000 --> 01:11:46,634 I kind of had my heart set on Grady, 1355 01:11:46,636 --> 01:11:48,803 and fucking bitch Samantha does it again! 1356 01:11:48,805 --> 01:11:52,307 She just sluts it up so early that they can't even choose 1357 01:11:52,309 --> 01:11:53,574 when it comes time to pick rooms, 1358 01:11:53,576 --> 01:11:55,743 and then I just always get stuck with the, you know... 1359 01:11:55,745 --> 01:11:57,879 With the what? 1360 01:11:57,946 --> 01:11:59,480 With the dorky one? 1361 01:11:59,482 --> 01:12:04,052 With the pale and waifish pity case? The goat boy? 1362 01:12:04,054 --> 01:12:10,325 The sad sack who only watches programming intended for teen girls? 1363 01:12:14,963 --> 01:12:17,365 I'm sorry. 1364 01:12:19,868 --> 01:12:24,806 Oh, my god! This bathroom is disgusting! 1365 01:12:48,097 --> 01:12:48,896 What? 1366 01:12:48,898 --> 01:12:51,532 Well, I did it last night. 1367 01:12:51,534 --> 01:12:52,633 You did what last night? 1368 01:12:52,635 --> 01:12:57,505 She was young and quite gorgeous. 1369 01:12:58,073 --> 01:13:01,909 So, how's it feel? 1370 01:13:06,015 --> 01:13:08,383 It feels awful. 1371 01:13:09,385 --> 01:13:11,686 Is there anything else? 1372 01:13:12,821 --> 01:13:14,555 No. 1373 01:13:14,557 --> 01:13:17,925 I've got nothing else to say. 1374 01:13:18,861 --> 01:13:22,964 Well, then goodbye, Grady. 1375 01:13:23,031 --> 01:13:24,966 Goodbye. 1376 01:13:30,773 --> 01:13:32,940 Oh, hey. 1377 01:13:34,076 --> 01:13:36,844 Sorry about last night. 1378 01:13:37,546 --> 01:13:39,147 Yeah. 1379 01:13:39,149 --> 01:13:41,416 Whatever. 1380 01:14:03,172 --> 01:14:04,739 Hey, stensland. 1381 01:14:04,741 --> 01:14:06,908 Good morning, Michael. 1382 01:14:09,611 --> 01:14:11,813 Thank you. Okay. 1383 01:14:22,758 --> 01:14:24,692 Excuse me, can you help me? 1384 01:14:24,694 --> 01:14:28,663 I'm sorry, i don't actually work here. 1385 01:14:29,031 --> 01:14:32,166 Are you Billy ocean? 1386 01:14:32,168 --> 01:14:34,068 Feelin' pretty blue, huh, stensy? 1387 01:14:34,070 --> 01:14:39,173 Deep blue, Billy. I fucked up, big style. 1388 01:14:39,175 --> 01:14:40,708 You sure did, my pale friend. 1389 01:14:40,710 --> 01:14:46,747 I indulged Grady's penis when it was his heart that needed a hand. 1390 01:14:46,749 --> 01:14:49,951 Ah, this beach party ain't over, stensy. 1391 01:14:49,953 --> 01:14:51,052 It runs on island time. 1392 01:14:51,054 --> 01:14:54,489 What's track number six off of love zone? 1393 01:14:54,491 --> 01:14:56,657 Track number six... 1394 01:14:56,792 --> 01:14:59,160 It's never too late to try. 1395 01:14:59,162 --> 01:15:01,162 Slip on a new pair of boat shoes. 1396 01:15:01,164 --> 01:15:03,164 The world needs your help, stensy. 1397 01:15:03,166 --> 01:15:05,233 In fact, I need your help right now. 1398 01:15:05,235 --> 01:15:06,234 You do? I do. 1399 01:15:06,236 --> 01:15:11,539 Where can I find me a love seat impervious to cat pee? 1400 01:15:11,974 --> 01:15:13,140 What? 1401 01:15:13,142 --> 01:15:14,742 Do you know, young man? 1402 01:15:14,744 --> 01:15:17,879 I... wait, where did your breezy suit go? 1403 01:15:17,881 --> 01:15:19,614 You're not Billy ocean. 1404 01:15:19,616 --> 01:15:21,115 Breezy suit? Focus, son. 1405 01:15:21,117 --> 01:15:23,251 I'm looking for a love seat that won't stain 1406 01:15:23,253 --> 01:15:27,588 when my wife's crazy cat takes a whizz on it. 1407 01:15:27,689 --> 01:15:28,856 Oh. 1408 01:15:28,858 --> 01:15:30,124 Yeah, uh, of course. 1409 01:15:30,126 --> 01:15:32,293 Well, the "home sweet home" collection 1410 01:15:32,295 --> 01:15:35,630 has an optional stain-resistant fabric. 1411 01:15:35,632 --> 01:15:36,564 Excellent. 1412 01:15:36,566 --> 01:15:37,798 Come right this way, sir. 1413 01:15:37,800 --> 01:15:40,601 Now, this textile has the look and feel of cotton, 1414 01:15:40,603 --> 01:15:43,170 but totally kicks blemishes to the curb. 1415 01:15:43,172 --> 01:15:47,008 Perfect. Does it come in tropical print? 1416 01:15:47,309 --> 01:15:48,709 Morgan! Oh, jeez. 1417 01:15:48,711 --> 01:15:52,079 Did you eat all the bismarcks? There's not gonna be enough for the clients. 1418 01:15:52,081 --> 01:15:55,850 I'm sorry. I'm a little upside down right now. 1419 01:15:55,852 --> 01:16:00,221 Oh, Grady. Grady finally got his revenge last night. 1420 01:16:00,223 --> 01:16:01,856 He what? 1421 01:16:01,858 --> 01:16:02,990 Oh... 1422 01:16:02,992 --> 01:16:04,025 Yep. 1423 01:16:04,027 --> 01:16:05,226 Who was it? I don't know, 1424 01:16:05,228 --> 01:16:08,663 but up in here, she looks like Jessica rabbit, only sexier. 1425 01:16:08,665 --> 01:16:12,567 I'm sorry. You can't be that surprised. 1426 01:16:12,569 --> 01:16:14,335 No, you're right, I'm not. 1427 01:16:14,337 --> 01:16:16,203 Can we look on the bright side? 1428 01:16:16,205 --> 01:16:17,238 We have more donuts? 1429 01:16:17,240 --> 01:16:20,107 No. Now, in Grady's stubborn mind, 1430 01:16:20,109 --> 01:16:21,742 the scales have finally been balanced. 1431 01:16:21,744 --> 01:16:23,811 He's shot his spiteful wad, and we both know 1432 01:16:23,813 --> 01:16:27,181 what happens to guys after they blow their load. 1433 01:16:27,183 --> 01:16:28,049 They get real. 1434 01:16:28,051 --> 01:16:29,650 It's too late to get real, Hannah. 1435 01:16:29,652 --> 01:16:33,654 I mean, it is over. It is over like smoking on planes is over. 1436 01:16:33,656 --> 01:16:36,324 I'm telling you, if he was to walk in here right now 1437 01:16:36,326 --> 01:16:37,758 and get down on his knees 1438 01:16:37,760 --> 01:16:40,628 with the hope diamond, i would not take him back. 1439 01:16:40,630 --> 01:16:42,063 Fuck him. 1440 01:16:42,065 --> 01:16:46,834 Fuck him and his... His dreamy blue eyes. 1441 01:16:46,836 --> 01:16:51,606 Oh, god, I hope Judy in accounting has mini-snickers. 1442 01:16:56,778 --> 01:16:58,646 Oh, hello there. 1443 01:16:58,648 --> 01:17:03,718 Just wanted to pay you in advance for the kid's rent. 1444 01:17:03,720 --> 01:17:05,853 Just a couple of months. 1445 01:17:07,956 --> 01:17:09,890 Stensland. 1446 01:17:09,892 --> 01:17:11,792 Thank you. 1447 01:17:17,899 --> 01:17:20,201 Hey. You got a job? 1448 01:17:20,203 --> 01:17:23,971 Yeah, my new grindstone. 1449 01:17:24,272 --> 01:17:26,140 Well, you look sharp. 1450 01:17:26,142 --> 01:17:29,644 Thanks. Congratulations. 1451 01:17:29,811 --> 01:17:30,845 Where are you going? 1452 01:17:30,847 --> 01:17:34,715 Ah, get some work done, then check into the four seasons. 1453 01:17:34,717 --> 01:17:37,251 I tormented you long enough. 1454 01:17:39,721 --> 01:17:42,890 You slept with Samantha, i assume? 1455 01:17:45,060 --> 01:17:48,929 No, I didn't. I couldn't. 1456 01:17:51,334 --> 01:17:54,235 Well, you know, 1457 01:17:54,302 --> 01:17:56,837 the heart pumps blood into the penis, 1458 01:17:56,839 --> 01:17:58,205 but when that heart is broken... 1459 01:17:58,207 --> 01:18:01,375 Oh, god, give me a break. ...The penis... 1460 01:18:01,377 --> 01:18:04,145 My penis wasn't the problem, dumbass. 1461 01:18:04,147 --> 01:18:06,247 And if you're so smart about this stuff, 1462 01:18:06,249 --> 01:18:08,783 why did she fuck around on me to begin with? 1463 01:18:08,785 --> 01:18:10,251 With you! I don't know. 1464 01:18:10,253 --> 01:18:14,422 Isn't marriage supposedly harder than pole vaulting? 1465 01:18:14,424 --> 01:18:18,392 My parents lasted for four years and threw in the sponge. 1466 01:18:18,394 --> 01:18:21,128 You and Morgan prevailed for 15. 1467 01:18:21,130 --> 01:18:22,697 But after 15 years of anything, 1468 01:18:22,699 --> 01:18:25,733 even something good is bound to Fritz a little, right? 1469 01:18:25,735 --> 01:18:29,136 I don't know if it's been good for a long time, stensland. 1470 01:18:29,138 --> 01:18:31,272 Whose fault is that, do you think? 1471 01:18:31,274 --> 01:18:35,076 I'm sorry, but why don't you just go home? 1472 01:18:35,078 --> 01:18:35,943 To Morgan. 1473 01:18:35,945 --> 01:18:38,713 You know she's sorry! You are too! 1474 01:18:38,715 --> 01:18:41,782 Because everything has changed, that's why. 1475 01:18:41,784 --> 01:18:44,452 No, look, your love has just been tested. 1476 01:18:44,454 --> 01:18:46,087 Like Aladdin in the cave of wonders, 1477 01:18:46,089 --> 01:18:51,225 or when wonka's golden ticket-holders got everlasting gobstoppers. 1478 01:18:51,227 --> 01:18:53,794 You passed the test, Grady. 1479 01:18:53,796 --> 01:18:55,229 You still love each other! 1480 01:18:55,231 --> 01:18:58,032 Sometimes, you have to lose somebody completely 1481 01:18:58,034 --> 01:19:02,269 before you can figure out what they really mean to you. 1482 01:19:02,271 --> 01:19:05,973 Why don't you go and tell her that? 1483 01:19:06,274 --> 01:19:10,778 I appreciate you caring. It's not that simple. 1484 01:19:10,780 --> 01:19:12,513 Goodbye, stensland. 1485 01:19:12,848 --> 01:19:15,282 Your butch ego is getting in the way 1486 01:19:15,284 --> 01:19:18,352 of your happiness, you asshole! 1487 01:19:18,354 --> 01:19:20,821 You're really not going to her? 1488 01:19:20,823 --> 01:19:24,225 No, I am not going to her. 1489 01:19:24,227 --> 01:19:28,829 Okay. Well... I am. 1490 01:19:28,831 --> 01:19:32,800 You wanna know why she cheated on you? The truth? 1491 01:19:32,802 --> 01:19:33,968 It's because of me. 1492 01:19:33,970 --> 01:19:36,337 I'm the romantic and sensitive type of man 1493 01:19:36,339 --> 01:19:38,172 Morgan knows she should've married. 1494 01:19:38,174 --> 01:19:41,208 All I had to do was pay her one gooey compliment, 1495 01:19:41,210 --> 01:19:44,912 and those waterlogged panties hit the floor. 1496 01:19:44,914 --> 01:19:46,447 Ker-splash. 1497 01:19:46,449 --> 01:19:48,115 Your wife is the finest piece 1498 01:19:48,117 --> 01:19:50,117 of ass and boobs I've ever tasted, 1499 01:19:50,119 --> 01:19:53,420 and I'm going right back to her office, right now 1500 01:19:53,422 --> 01:19:55,356 to get me some more! 1501 01:19:55,358 --> 01:19:57,124 Son of a bitch. Stensland! 1502 01:19:57,126 --> 01:20:01,262 My tongue is gonna be in her vagina so long, it'll pickle! 1503 01:20:01,264 --> 01:20:03,264 I'm gonna make her go... 1504 01:20:06,234 --> 01:20:07,401 All over again! 1505 01:20:07,403 --> 01:20:10,037 Come on. I'm gonna fucking kill you. 1506 01:20:10,039 --> 01:20:11,372 You don't deserve her! I do! 1507 01:20:11,374 --> 01:20:14,909 I'm gonna bury you, dig you up, and kill you again! 1508 01:20:14,911 --> 01:20:16,544 I'm killing you. 1509 01:20:16,546 --> 01:20:18,846 Hey, girls. 1510 01:20:19,181 --> 01:20:20,347 Sorry. 1511 01:20:20,349 --> 01:20:22,983 I owe you one. No problem, sweetheart. 1512 01:20:22,985 --> 01:20:25,820 Stensland, you little prick! 1513 01:20:26,188 --> 01:20:27,121 Ooh. 1514 01:20:27,123 --> 01:20:28,155 Must be the husband. 1515 01:20:28,157 --> 01:20:30,991 I guess so. Mm-hmm. I'd tap that. 1516 01:20:36,999 --> 01:20:39,200 Not now, muumuu! 1517 01:20:40,302 --> 01:20:42,236 Stensland! 1518 01:20:46,341 --> 01:20:47,942 Ooh! 1519 01:21:00,856 --> 01:21:03,591 Stay! Stay! Stay! 1520 01:21:03,593 --> 01:21:05,025 Stay! Stay, stay! 1521 01:21:05,027 --> 01:21:08,362 What the... those are $2,000 pants, asshole! 1522 01:21:08,364 --> 01:21:09,997 Morgan needs a fresh young buck, 1523 01:21:09,999 --> 01:21:12,566 not a bitter old Nelly! Fuck you! 1524 01:21:12,568 --> 01:21:14,468 Son of a bitch. 1525 01:21:18,073 --> 01:21:19,640 What the hell do you want? 1526 01:21:19,642 --> 01:21:22,109 Stensland! 1527 01:21:23,211 --> 01:21:25,246 Hey! Hey! 1528 01:21:25,248 --> 01:21:28,282 Come back here, you little shit! 1529 01:21:35,156 --> 01:21:37,057 Son of a bitch! 1530 01:21:39,995 --> 01:21:42,429 Where the fuck... 1531 01:21:43,131 --> 01:21:44,331 Counselor? Tiny! 1532 01:21:44,333 --> 01:21:45,966 Carrot-top, half-pants, which way? 1533 01:21:45,968 --> 01:21:48,168 Through the house. Want a knife? 1534 01:21:48,170 --> 01:21:49,503 No, I'm good. Thanks, tiny. 1535 01:21:49,505 --> 01:21:53,340 Re-draw hearing Tuesday! Judge's chambers! Don't be late! 1536 01:21:53,342 --> 01:21:56,343 That's my lawyer. 1537 01:22:01,216 --> 01:22:04,051 I'm gonna put my Willy in her! 1538 01:22:04,053 --> 01:22:06,086 Son of a bitch! 1539 01:22:08,690 --> 01:22:10,357 Fuck you! 1540 01:22:10,359 --> 01:22:11,992 Die, fucker. 1541 01:22:11,994 --> 01:22:14,228 Taxi! Sorry. 1542 01:22:20,435 --> 01:22:23,938 So, where to, gentlemen? 1543 01:22:28,343 --> 01:22:30,010 Okay. 1544 01:22:32,415 --> 01:22:35,549 Going up, in her vagina. You little bitch. 1545 01:22:37,386 --> 01:22:38,953 So, what impact does traditional 1546 01:22:38,955 --> 01:22:41,055 earned media have in the marketplace? 1547 01:22:41,057 --> 01:22:42,222 Well, I'm going to tell you. 1548 01:22:42,224 --> 01:22:44,992 Oh, shit. 1549 01:22:44,994 --> 01:22:47,161 Call the paramedics! 1550 01:22:47,996 --> 01:22:50,297 Now you're going to get the ass-kicking you deserve. 1551 01:22:50,299 --> 01:22:52,199 Could you just free my windpipe? 1552 01:22:52,201 --> 01:22:54,501 No. I'm getting an erection. 1553 01:22:54,503 --> 01:22:56,303 Call security, please. 1554 01:22:56,305 --> 01:23:00,074 I'm really sorry, everyone. Um... 1555 01:23:00,141 --> 01:23:01,475 I apologize. 1556 01:23:01,477 --> 01:23:07,548 We are going to have to reschedule this. I'm so sorry. 1557 01:23:07,983 --> 01:23:08,582 So... 1558 01:23:08,584 --> 01:23:13,354 Okay, folks. I'll call you tomorrow to reschedule. Thank you. 1559 01:23:14,122 --> 01:23:18,359 Sorry. The pitch was blown anyway. 1560 01:23:19,427 --> 01:23:21,729 Thank you. Grady. 1561 01:23:22,197 --> 01:23:23,697 Hannah. 1562 01:23:23,699 --> 01:23:27,368 Four weeks, I've been working on that presentation. 1563 01:23:27,370 --> 01:23:30,604 Morgan, he's come to apologize. 1564 01:23:30,606 --> 01:23:35,175 Wait, hang on. Yes, you did, Grady. 1565 01:23:36,711 --> 01:23:38,212 Morgan, 1566 01:23:38,214 --> 01:23:39,446 you should've seen how he reacted 1567 01:23:39,448 --> 01:23:42,549 when I told him i was coming here to fuck you again. 1568 01:23:42,551 --> 01:23:47,054 He was transformed into a violent love werewolf. 1569 01:23:47,056 --> 01:23:49,490 Cursed not by the bite of another love wolf, 1570 01:23:49,492 --> 01:23:56,397 but by his ferocious, undying love for you, his luminous bride. 1571 01:23:56,399 --> 01:23:58,332 This romance has teeth, people. 1572 01:23:58,334 --> 01:24:04,738 Your saga puts me in mind of Napoleon and Josephine in many ways. 1573 01:24:04,806 --> 01:24:07,074 Despite adultery and... Stensland. 1574 01:24:07,076 --> 01:24:09,410 Yeah? Oh. 1575 01:24:15,150 --> 01:24:17,418 Come on, Grady. 1576 01:24:21,790 --> 01:24:23,390 We wouldn't have burst in like this 1577 01:24:23,392 --> 01:24:26,093 if I'd known that, you know, the pitch was today. 1578 01:24:26,095 --> 01:24:29,163 Oh, but how would you have known about this pitch? 1579 01:24:29,165 --> 01:24:31,365 It didn't involve you. 1580 01:24:31,599 --> 01:24:32,599 It doesn't matter. 1581 01:24:32,601 --> 01:24:36,103 Hannah's right. It was screwed from the beginning. 1582 01:24:36,105 --> 01:24:36,737 Really? 1583 01:24:36,739 --> 01:24:39,406 But you're the best powerpoint player in the game. 1584 01:24:39,408 --> 01:24:40,541 Yeah, well, you know what? 1585 01:24:40,543 --> 01:24:42,242 Not on the day that my husband calls me 1586 01:24:42,244 --> 01:24:44,478 to tell me he screwed someone else. 1587 01:24:45,747 --> 01:24:47,381 Right. 1588 01:24:47,682 --> 01:24:49,483 He's gonna fuck this up. 1589 01:24:49,485 --> 01:24:50,417 No, he won't. 1590 01:24:50,419 --> 01:24:53,320 Come on, Grady, give her the straight shit. 1591 01:24:53,322 --> 01:24:56,090 Listen, Morgan, I, uh... 1592 01:24:56,691 --> 01:24:58,392 I lied about that. 1593 01:24:58,394 --> 01:25:01,195 I didn't sleep with anybody. 1594 01:25:01,197 --> 01:25:04,531 I tried, but I didn't. 1595 01:25:04,632 --> 01:25:05,466 Why not? 1596 01:25:05,468 --> 01:25:09,536 Because I couldn't stop thinking about you. 1597 01:25:10,505 --> 01:25:12,573 And about us. 1598 01:25:13,475 --> 01:25:15,409 That's good. 1599 01:25:16,644 --> 01:25:20,347 I owe you an apology, and I get that now. 1600 01:25:20,349 --> 01:25:21,448 Grady, what do you get? 1601 01:25:21,450 --> 01:25:25,419 That I'm the one that screwed up our marriage. 1602 01:25:25,421 --> 01:25:29,423 I neglected you, and I abandoned us. 1603 01:25:29,425 --> 01:25:33,127 And your firm took off, and my career took off... 1604 01:25:33,129 --> 01:25:37,431 I tried. I was trying so hard, Grady. 1605 01:25:37,433 --> 01:25:38,332 I know you did. 1606 01:25:38,334 --> 01:25:41,602 I saw it. But I was stupid, and I was lazy, 1607 01:25:41,604 --> 01:25:46,573 and I took you, the only woman I've ever been in love with, 1608 01:25:46,575 --> 01:25:50,544 I took you for granted, just like a... 1609 01:25:50,546 --> 01:25:52,880 An asshole. 1610 01:25:53,448 --> 01:25:55,682 And I'm sorry, Morgan. 1611 01:25:56,317 --> 01:25:58,585 But assholes can learn. 1612 01:25:58,587 --> 01:26:03,724 And I think, in a positive way, our love has been tested. 1613 01:26:03,726 --> 01:26:08,695 Not unlike Aladdin in the thunder cave, 1614 01:26:08,697 --> 01:26:14,568 or even Willy wonka when he was giving food away 1615 01:26:14,570 --> 01:26:16,503 to the homeless. What? 1616 01:26:16,505 --> 01:26:19,706 He's getting wonka all wrong. 1617 01:26:21,609 --> 01:26:25,812 Oh, Grady. I'm sorry, too. 1618 01:26:28,683 --> 01:26:30,584 Look, I do know one thing. 1619 01:26:30,586 --> 01:26:34,488 Sometimes you have to completely lose somebody 1620 01:26:34,490 --> 01:26:39,359 before you can really appreciate what they mean to you. 1621 01:26:42,330 --> 01:26:44,231 Fucker. 1622 01:26:44,233 --> 01:26:47,234 I'm almost impressed right now. Oh, don't be. 1623 01:26:47,236 --> 01:26:49,803 Grady subconsciously knew what I was doing. 1624 01:26:49,805 --> 01:26:50,904 You think? Yeah. 1625 01:26:50,906 --> 01:26:53,207 He's too mule-headed to come see her on his own, 1626 01:26:53,209 --> 01:26:55,342 so I just gave him an excuse rooted in an emotion 1627 01:26:55,344 --> 01:26:59,780 he's comfortable expressing. Blind, vengeful fury. 1628 01:26:59,782 --> 01:27:00,547 Hmm. 1629 01:27:00,549 --> 01:27:03,850 On second thought, that is pretty impressive. Admire me accordingly. 1630 01:27:09,491 --> 01:27:14,795 Well, as Mary poppins and a paraphrased Jesus once said, 1631 01:27:15,296 --> 01:27:17,698 "my work here is done." 1632 01:27:18,600 --> 01:27:20,667 Goodbye, Hannah. 1633 01:27:21,402 --> 01:27:21,969 Bye. 1634 01:27:21,971 --> 01:27:24,905 You're welcome. What? 1635 01:27:34,816 --> 01:27:36,316 Hey! 1636 01:27:36,318 --> 01:27:36,883 Oh. 1637 01:27:36,885 --> 01:27:38,752 We wanted to thank him. 1638 01:27:38,754 --> 01:27:40,520 Yeah, well, it'll have to wait. 1639 01:27:40,522 --> 01:27:44,691 He's on to his next adventure. Or whatever. 1640 01:27:44,693 --> 01:27:49,830 He seems different somehow. Like, I don't know. 1641 01:27:49,832 --> 01:27:52,299 Like a big, beautiful condor 1642 01:27:52,301 --> 01:27:55,769 that people will respect and fear. 1643 01:27:55,771 --> 01:28:00,307 "I can't believe that used to be stensland," they'll say. 1644 01:28:00,309 --> 01:28:04,745 "I can't believe that used to be stensland." 1645 01:32:55,603 --> 01:32:57,237 That is delightful and witty. 1646 01:32:57,239 --> 01:32:59,306 I know.